I was nervous and stressed as I rode the elevator up to the 113th floor. I was paying a visit in person to Judd Handler, YNOT News editor-in-chief, in the YNOT office high atop of everything. The doors parted and I stepped onto an immaculate, shiny marble floor.I was nervous and stressed as I rode the elevator up to the 113th floor. I was paying a visit in person to Judd Handler, YNOT News editor-in-chief, in the YNOT office high atop of everything. The doors parted and I stepped onto an immaculate, shiny marble floor. The huge ‘YNOT’ logo was embossed in gold trim on the wall behind the welcome desk. Two bulky bodyguards maintained a parade-rest stance at the main office entrance at the far side of the huge room. Trying to work confidence into my body language, I strode forward and stated my business to the attractive, but professionally-dressed young receptionist. She glanced away as she spoke discreetly into her headset, smiled, and made eye contact again. “Mr. Handler is currently in a teleconference. He asked me to have you wait out here until he’s finished.”

“That’s fine,” I lied, screaming inside. Frankly, I was sick of waiting. For two weeks, I had not been published at YNOTNews.com, the pre-eminent weekly news source for adult webmasters. It was a fix; I craved it; I had to have it. And Judd kept denying me. YNOT’s news coverage of Internext had dominated the e-zine for two weeks. My commentary? “Not required,” Judd had said over the phone prior to the trade show. He was right. YNOT’s coverage of the show turned out to be incredibly complete.

After what seemed like hours (but was really less than 5 minutes) the receptionist called, “Mr. Handler is ready for you.” I was escorted through the entrance to Judd’s office.

“Hi Oz,” said Judd tiredly, as I walked into his cavernous office. The view was beautiful, overlooking the San Diego harbor, but it looked like Judd hadn’t noticed it in weeks. He had dark bags under his eyes; the normal sparkle in his eye was replaced by a dull glaze; and his large cherry oak desk was completely covered with paperwork, photos, and news copy. “Thanks, Barry,” Judd called as my muscular escort closed the door behind me.

“How are you, Judd?”

“Tired, Oz, tired. What brings you here?”

I squirmed in my seat. “I’m ready to write again. It’s been two weeks.”

Judd held up his hand. “Oz, you know what I told you. This Internext coverage has gotta be published. It’s nothing personal.”

I nodded. “I understand. But I could write about the AdultChamber spam thing -”

Judd cut me off mid-sentence. “Bob has already covered that at YNOTBob.com ,” he said. “It’s a done deal now anyway.” A vision of YNOTBob in his standard fiesta garb shouting ‘SHOOTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!’ at the top of his lungs danced briefly into my head. I banished it and pressed my case.

“Well, if not that, there’s always the latest industry gossip. I heard that -”

“Oz, come on.” Judd sighed, put his laptop to sleep and closed the screen. I swallowed noisily.

He leaned forward and continued. “You’re not a gossip writer. You write about stuff that will help adult webmasters in their daily professional lives. There are hundreds of gossips. Webmasters can find them easily if that’s what they want. From you, I expect articles on traffic, affiliate programs, state of the industry, stuff like that. Stray from those topics and your article doesn’t get published on the front page. You know that, Oz. Remember that crappy ‘self-improvement’ article you wrote?”

I winced. That article was buried on page 10. I remembered it vividly.

“It just seems like gossip is the latest wave,” I commented lamely. “You’ve got Luke Ford, of course. He just makes stuff up. A couple of new piss boards sprang up recently. And hell, there’s even a new site where people can blast each other anonymously. Doesn’t YNOT want to be at the forefront of these industry developments? YNOTNews.com could have a section like this.”

Judd shook his head slowly.

“I guess that’s all here-today-gone-tomorrow kind of stuff,” I said. I was starting to feel like a fool. Judd didn’t have to tell me what I already knew. YNOT stood for integrity, was a proponent for the adult webmaster, and was focused on business and professionalism in the adult industry. To ask Judd to run a gossip column was like asking Ghandi to box for cash. YNOT, the first and best adult webmaster resource, didn’t need to stoop to that level – they were here for the long run. I tried to count the number of webmaster resource sites that had popped up (and closed) since – I ran out of fingers and gave up.

I knew gossip was popular. I knew that some well-known names in the industry even made a living from their outrageous public behavior. And I also knew that, no matter how attractive the allure of that webmaster attention might be, it was completely inappropriate for the YNOT Network. I felt embarrassed that I’d even brought it up.

Judd’s stress-lined face softened. “You know I love having you write for us, Oz. And you know what YNOT is all about. We’re not changing in the face of sensationalism sweeping the industry. YNOT News is for serious webmasters. You’re a pretty serious guy — most of the time — so what’s the problem? Stick to what you know. The webmaster readers will thank you. And get me an article for next week.”

We both stood up. Clearly, the meeting was at an end. I awkwardly reached out to shake Judd’s hand. “So what are you going to write about this week?” Judd asked.

“I don’t know, but I’ll think of something,” I replied. With a smile.

Editor’s note: The editor does not take responsibility for the unsolicited writer’s embellishment that Oz provides for your reading pleasure. Thank you Oz! P.S. The LAJ Weekly will be back next week. LAJ is recovering from a hazy fog on Haight-Ashbury streets in San Fran.