Today’s product: Fetish Fantasy Series Spinning Fantasy Swing

Specs:

Price: $149.59 USD

Manufacturer: Pipedream Products

Weight: 9.75 lbs

Functions: Rotates

Materials: Metal, Nylon

Perfect For: Couples and fuck buddies of all sexual orientations who want to explore more positions to spice up their sex lives.

Kalyana Malla, writer of the Ananga-Ranga, an Eastern text that includes the Kama Sutra, believed that couples grow bored with sex because lack of variety in sexual practices leads to monotony. The cure, he thought, was a healthy sexual imagination, as well as varying sexual positions. Yet, many of the sexual positions described in the Kama Sutra are extremely difficult for those of us who can’t even touch their toes, and the most difficult ones provide the greatest stimulation and sexual satisfaction.

So, unless you are a porn star or a yogi who can contort like a pretzel, forget about spicing up your sex life. Right? Wrong.

Luckily, there were fat, inflexible people way back in ancient India, too. So some kinky dude decided to invent the very first sex swing, to make it easier for him and his BBW to get into some seriously acrobatic positions. The swings were pretty crude and expensive by today’s standards, and with multiple ropes and pulleys, they required attendants to help lovers use them. Many looked far more like torture devices than those used for pleasure, and they weren’t very discreet either.

Fortunately for us today, we live at the pinnacle of hedonism and technology in the Big-Mac-with-Cheese era. The downside of this is that many of us are overweight, but the upside is we can purchase a sex swing for approximately $150 bucks. Problem solved, and you don’t have to give up your greasy, yummy, cheesy burgers.

The Spinning Fantasy Swing from Pipedream Products’ Fetish Fantasy Series is very well made and super-sturdy, so even fat people (up to 350 pounds!) can use it. The swing comes with all the heavy metal hardware you need to screw it into your door jam or ceiling, including a huge spring and torque support bar. The harness is made of strong nylon strapping with neoprene padding for comfort. It is pretty easy to install, includes instructions and takes about 20 minutes to set up. Then you are ready for some crazy-wild sex.

Make sure to install the swing on a beam so it will take your weight. Beams are easy to find using a stud finder. Simply screwing the swing into the ceiling is not enough. The product holds up to 350 pounds without the spring and 200 pounds with the spring. When the swing is not in us, you can take it down and hang a pretty plant on the eyelet screw, or leave it there for a conversation starter. You never know!

The spinning fantasy swing features two padded straps for support—one to sit on, the other to lay back on—and a set of padded stirrups. If you’ve got a fat booty like mine, you may want to add a body pillow for extra comfort and so the straps don’t press into your flesh. It is fairly comfortable and allows users to get into positions they normally wouldn’t be able to accomplish.

Flying spread eagle? No problem. Diving kamikaze doggie style? Easy-peasy. Hanging by one ankle, trapeze-wheelbarrow position? Not so easy, but doable.

The spinning fantasy swing also comes with a booklet that illustrates lots of other crazy positions you can attempt so you can learn how to fuck like a porn star. Well…maybe not exactly like a porn star, but you will be able to get into many challenging positions that offer deeper penetration possibilities. Plus, the feeling of being weightless while having sex is pretty freaking awesome.

If the Spinning Fantasy Swing doesn’t spice up your sex life and take away the monotony, you need serious counseling.

Based in the heart of “Porn Valley” in sunny Chatsworth, Calif., Pipedream is home to some of the best-selling and most groundbreaking brands in pleasure products. Specializing in bondage with their bestselling Fetish Fantasy Series, as well as bachelorette and lifelike Pipedream Extreme Toyz, Pipedream has been on the cutting edge for more than 40 years. Pipedream is no stranger to the mainstream spotlight, with appearances on CNN, Sons of Anarchy, Shameless and most recently Comedy Central’s The Daily Show. Check out Pipedream TV at PipedreamProducts.com/pdtv.

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