We’ll get to the titty bars later. Many of you will be journeying to South Florida for Internext. On behalf of all the industry folks that populate each and every block in this town, welcome.We’ll get to the titty bars later. Many of you will be journeying to South Florida for Internext. On behalf of all the industry folks that populate each and every block in this town, welcome. Soon, you’ll be heading to your airport three and half hours before flight time, taking your shoes off for security, making no jokes about it and heading to the gate, three and quarter hours before flight time. Bring food as the airlines don’t provide that anymore. And don’t argue with the flight attendants, as you’ll be detained at the nearest airport. Sit quietly and look “American” and you’ll be all right. And while you may feel you need to pack a gun for protection should you venture into Miami, I wouldn’t advise that either. Don’t worry, there’s police here. For a nominal fee, they’ll take care of you should you get robbed or shot.

You’ll be arriving at one of three airports. If you’re coming into Palm Beach International, I’d fire your travel agent, as that’s sixty miles from the hotel. The savvy traveler will fly into Fort Lauderdale, a small, sane and efficient airport. The unlucky traveler will experience “MIA” where you’ll just find plain chaos, ugliness, crowds, lost luggage, parking nightmares, language barriers, claustrophobia, and a city that has been run for decades by political cronies. Don’t exit anywhere nearby the airport as you leave. The Westin Diplomat, site of the convention, is in between the two airports, but closer to Fort Lauderdale. If you did book into MIA, allow plenty of time for traffic and armed hold-ups. If your plane lands at Cuba’s Havana International, something is seriously wrong.

Okay. Big question. What is Hollywood, Florida? It’s nothing like its namesake on the other side of the continent. No mountains, no sign, no movie studios, not much sleaze, but its big claim to fame is it’s smack dab in the middle of the metropolitan area known as South Florida. Between Homestead to the south and West Palm Beach to the north, sits Hollywood. This is where all the radio and TV antennas are located. It also has Fort Lauderdale to its north and Miami to its south. Other little communities like Dania Beach and Hallandale Beach are crunched in there as well. Hollywood is big geographically, expanding westward with a population of about 125,000. My guess is Internext didn’t pick Hollywood because it’s Hollywood, but because Miami is nearby, and the hotel was accommodating.

What then is South Florida? Most outsiders just call this area “Miami” which technically identifies the largest and most-known city. South Florida is really three counties: Miami-Dade, Broward and Palm Beach, although many demographers include The Keys within the area. So, Miami is all three counties to some, but to folks who live here, Miami is one county – Miami-Dade, and there is even something smaller called Miami, which is the city of. That’s why everyone around the world got confused during the Elian thing when the “two Miami mayors” went hightailing to Washington. Two mayors? Yes, there are two Miami’s. Three if you include Broward and Palm Beach. Oh, never mind.

The term South Florida is much more than simply a geographical term. It is important to distinguish this area from the rest of Florida. Besides the usual heart, lungs and blood vessels thing, people in South Florida have nothing in common with people in Jacksonville or Orlando or Pensacola… and like it like that. People in the rest of the state would just as soon South Florida became its own state… or country even. This is a culture all onto itself. It has one third of the population of Florida, at five million out of fifteen. It has most of the commerce, millionaires, celebrities and tax bases. But it also has most of the crime and poverty. South Florida cannot rival Orlando for family fun, but it wallops most everywhere in the world for adult fun. Tourists and migration comes from Eastern Europe, the Caribbean, Central America and South America. That’s why driving is so hazardous and why communication can be almost non-existent. You learn to speak slowly and use hand gestures, but avoid the finger…that can cost you your life.

People (mainly morons) have been asking me, should I bring a coat? Well, not exactly. Should you wear your rubbers? Most definitely… but for different reasons. So, what is Miami like in August? Well, last year they threw Internext in Las Vegas where temperatures rival that of the sunny side of the planet Mercury. The year before was New Orleans where when you breathe you are actually breathing water. You can feel your lungs sponging up the liquid. I’ve been told the residents of New Orleans are slowly evolving into gill creatures, just to survive. Now, the Internext folks picked South Florida, which is like a mixture of the two. Hot and humid. But the great news is it mostly rains, so the sky is generally overcast. You don’t deal so much with the unrelenting sun. Temperatures will be around 85 to 90, and cooler in the thunderstorms, as the weather guys say. I don’t know this for a fact but I think lightning may rival sporadic gunfire in deaths of people aged 40 to 55 in certain neighborhoods of Boca Raton.

A couple of things they say about Miami, “It’s a nice place because it’s so close to the United States,” and “You can get around because some people speak English.” Is it true that South Florida is chaotic and disorganized? It’s worse than that. Nothing works properly. You stand in line for everything. But, there will be an attractive, long-legged, short-skirted Latina girl with a nice butt to look at ahead of you, and she might drop something. What else is wrong? Miami has one of the worst traffic congestion problems in the country. But, there’s nightlife. And the place prides itself on cultural diversity and tolerance. Okay, enough of this Chamber of Commerce stuff, you need to know what to do and where to go.

There’s no action whatsoever near the hotel. This place is surrounded by high-rise condos packed with old people. The closest bar of any consequence will be a place called O’Hara’s in Hollywood’s town center, known as Young Circle. It’s a great place with live jazz and blues and good singles action. Any taxi driver will know where it is, which is about a ten-minute cab ride from the hotel. Closer will be a ramshackle grouping of bars, t-shirt shops and eateries north of Hollywood Blvd., along the beach and on and off the same road as the hotel. This area has a decent boardwalk on a nice beach.

The other centers of massive bar activity are miles away. The area everyone wants to see is South Beach, which is 30 to 45 minutes south, depending on traffic, which can be brutal. South Beach, at the end of Miami Beach, is indeed, nuts. You may see chicks and transvestites roller-blading topless. Topless is acceptable on the beach itself. There is something like 55 nightclubs, which doesn’t include bars, restaurants, cafes, coffee houses and the like. And most of those nightclubs don’t even open until midnight, but there’s plenty of action all day, all evening and all night along Ocean Drive and Lincoln Road. The nightclubs are centered on Washington, two blocks west of Ocean Drive. Across the bay from South Beach is downtown Miami. There, in an ancient warehouse district, tucked under the elevated rail and a freeway overpass, is an area of hot nightclubs with 24-hour liquor licenses. Nearby is the Miami Heat arena, Bayside (where you can board a boat to view celebrities’ homes), the new performing arts district, the design district, the garment district and also nearby, lots of crime. Further south of downtown is Coconut Grove, a very trendy area for bars, restaurants, boutiques and other forums to spend money. West of downtown is Little Havana where no one speaks English, but it’s culture – like you’re on vacation in another country.

North of the hotel is Fort Lauderdale, where English is readily spoken. Unlike Latin Miami, here you’ll find the fake boobs and blonde hair. There’s an active downtown near the river with art, science, bars, restaurants, shops etc. Head toward the ocean on Las Olas Blvd. and you’ll find massive amounts of shops and restaurants. Las Olas ends at the ocean, and again, more bars and restaurants – but crazier.

Okay, many of you are complaining already… “I don’t want bars and restaurants and boutiques! I want titty bars!” Yes, South Florida is well known for titty bars, indeed. Most are total nude and serve liquor – a rarity in the United States. Many are open all night. You’ll find most of them are in Miami, and several are close to the hotel too. Short taxi rides can get you to Solid Gold, Miami Gold, and Thee Doll House, to the south. Take a taxi west to Cheetah South, Scarlett’s or Tootsies. There’s tons of unimaginable and unspeakable fun in Hialeah, but you better know where you’re going. Don’t act lost or like a tourist as you might not get out alive.

Want to go to a mall? One of the best in the entire country is Aventura Mall, about fifteen minutes south of the hotel. By the mall, you’ll find the usual big box stores for your computer and camera needs. Want full-fledged gambling? Cruise ships leave regularly out of Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale and the Port of Miami, downtown. They go out three miles and steam around for a couple of hours. Knock yourself out, but beware – they are untaxed and therefore unregulated. Ask to count the deck at the blackjack table and they’ll throw you to the sharks – and I don’t mean the card variety. Want a nude beach? There’s Haulover Beach conveniently located about twenty minutes south of the Westin Diplomat on the same road. It’s located between Sunny Isles Beach and Bal Harbor. Cameras are very much discouraged.

So, what are the politics here? Every single Democrat in the state of Florida lives in South Florida. The whole rest of the state is populated only by Republicans. Completely you ask? Okay, I know of one neighborhood in Orlando, perhaps one or two in Tampa, a couple of universities, perhaps an intellectual here and an ex-college professor there… but that’s it! Those are the only Democrats outside of South Florida! The only Republicans in South Florida kind of slither about busying themselves with trying to repeal civil rights for gays or close down titty bars or ban this and ban that or have meetings where they come up with new ways to hate Fidel. In South Florida, we say you have to go north to get to the South. This is the Caribbean, man… or mon. Tropical climate. Palm trees. Beautiful women. But we are ruled by a Bush, and even worse, a bunch of Mussolini wannabes in Tallahassee.

What are you getting into here? Well this area likes drama that plays itself out. In recent years, there was the Gianni Versace murder. A killer roamed the country offing people at will, then winds up in Miami Beach where he guns down Versace in front of his home. The killer hides out as police comb the area under international attention, then blows himself away on a houseboat. There was the ValuJet crash in the Everglades where no remains of anything were found after weeks of spotlight. Then, Elian Gonzalez pops up throwing Little Havana into the news non-stop. International tensions, Janet Reno, the feds, near riots… all the makings of classic drama. Then, to top everything off, the 2000 presidential election stalls out here. Republican storm troopers stopped the counting of votes and the rest is history… for now anyway. Then there was terrorist Muhammad Atta who drank beers in Hollywood (at Shuckum’s, Young Circle) a couple of nights before he flew a commercial jet into tower one of the World Trade Center. And the first Anthrax death.

But thousands move here monthly and many are young, beautiful women, which is the main reason I’m here. A wealth of models for my photography. That is if I can get out of this line. Hey, really, this is the best place… I wouldn’t live anywhere else and neither would most people I know.

Greg Gregory has been photographing beautiful women for over two decades. He is based in Miami and provides high quality content to Webmasters through his popular Monthly CD Club and with Greg Gregory Photography (http://www.greg-gregory.com).

If you have any questions or comments about content, individual girls, custom shoots, suggestions, the monthly content club or licensing, contact Daylee at: daylee@greg-gregory.com. For any questions or comments about photography, politics, ideas, or anything else, contact Greg Gregory at greg@greg-gregory.com. All will get responses personally in a timely manner via email.