I get the damned things in the mail. For instance, the other day I received a long, innocuous looking box about 4′ long. Inside, I found two mega-dildos that shocked and awed me. The first was the 15.5” ‘The Excess’ by Topco’s Rascal Toys. The second was the even longer – 28″! – Rascal Toys’ ‘Doubleteamer’; so-named because it is a two-headed dildo.My response to Topco Sales PR Coordinator Erica Heathman, after seeing these mega-dildos – Dildos of the Gods; Strap-ons for Lesbian Mares? – was to send her an e-mail. It read, “Dear God! They arrived! Does anyone actually manage to fit these inside themselves? If so, do they find themselves in danger whenever they visit a nudist camp and sit on a stool while naked?” To which Erica replied, “Have you seen any Audrey Hollander porn? Just sayin’.”

In seriousness, I had a few questions to ask Heathman for YNOT.com, about the dildos that cause feelings of inadequacy in male elephants.

YNOT: In this era of electronic sex toys, how popular are dildos?

Heathman: Realistic dildos, be they large or small, are an ever-popular item. Larger pieces have the added draw of shocking, comedic appeal. Consumers purchase them not only for personal use, but also for gag gifts and entertainment value.

YNOT: How accurate is the modeling?

Heathman: There are two types of realistic dildo design we utilize. For lines such as the Topco Sales® Wildfire® Star Performer Series and Wildfire® Real Man, our in house Research and Development team has freehand sculpted life-like penises in a range of sizes. These maquettes are intricately detailed with realistic heads, veins and even balls. On the other hand, in lines like Wildfire® Celebrity Series and Rascal™ Toys the dildos are directly life cast from each individual performer.

YNOT: Who are the clients?

Heathman: The audience for large, realistic dildos is vast. Take Rascal™ for example: The line is built on the Chi Chi LaRue brand, a strictly gay male market. However, the line is also popular with straight couples. This is partly due to the friendly look of the packaging. While it does cater to the gay male aesthetic it isn’t over the top.

YNOT: What length is ‘large’? And how much of your audience (%) needs/wants large versus ‘normal’?

Heathman: Our realistic dongs range from 5.25” to 15.5” with the average being about 7.5”. On average, dildos on the larger end of the spectrum outsell the smaller pieces.

YNOT: What do you consider to be the major advances in creating realistic penis replicas?

Heathman: CyberSkin® is the most realistic material on the market. It warms to body temperature, mimics the elasticity and softness of human flesh and has look and feel of real skin. Just like real flesh, CyberSkin® is malleable and has the resiliency to instantly recover its original shape.

In addition to its superior realism, CyberSkin® will last a lifetime with reasonable care and maintenance, always delivering high performance and realistic feel.

Advancements in CyberSkin® technology have led to the creation of Dual Density®, CyberSkin®. The unique material simulates both the softness of skin and the rigidity of erectile tissue and/or bone underneath.

YNOT: What would you consider to be your flagship product in this regard?

Heathman: The Topco Sales® Rascal™ brand is comprised of larger sized toys and is home to the largest realistic dildos we manufacture. Though not the largest, our best selling Rascal™ item is the 6.5” Johnny Hazzard CyberSkin® 7x vibrating Cock with Balls, life cast from gay adult film star Johnny Hazzard. Among the large pieces offered are the 15.5” Rascal™ Toys the Excess, the largest sculpted piece and the 28”Rascal™ Toys Doubleteamer , the largest double ended dildo in the Topco Sales® catalog.

YNOT: Largest I’ve ever seen, to be sure. And I don’t think I want to see larger!