To Each His Own: Brit Masturbates to Autobiography
YNOT – Hot on the heels of Literary Review’s annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award comes news non-fiction can be just as inspiring — and maybe even more thrilling.
A West Sussex, England, man was caught masturbating in a public library while reading Lord Alan Sugar’s autobiography, What You See Is What You Get. Reportedly, the 30-ish man was picky about his reading matter, as he took about 20 minutes to select the perfect book.
“He was behaving rather oddly,” an unidentified library employee reported to British newspaper The Register, presumably referring to the patron and not the author. “So we kept an eye on him, and then he just sat down with his coat over his lap and started pleasuring himself as he looked through the book. It was very bizarre behavior, and our security guys got a hold of him before too many people saw what he was doing.”
Perhaps the reader was attempting to send a message about Sugar’s writing or business ethics, or maybe he was just a fan. London-born Sugar is a sort of British analog to America’s Donald Trump: a stuffy businessman mostly known for his appearance on the U.K. version of The Apprentice.
The wanker was banned from the library and “cautioned” by the police, according to The Register.
For his part, Sugar appears to have taken the episode in stride.
“Pervert Caught Pleasuring Himself In Library While Reading my Book,” he posted on Twitter shortly afterward. “Mixing business with pleasure?”