I know you’ve been on the edge of your seats waiting to hear from Pope Francis about his feelings regarding online pornography, so I’m happy to report the Vatican has published a new transcript of his compelling opinion on the matter.

Please pay attention so that your souls don’t burn in everlasting hell.

It all started when the white-haired wonder was speaking to some priests and semen-arians studying in Rome who dared ask how digital and social media should be employed. No, he didn’t say they should use it to share pictures of how hot they look in their new vestments, instead he went right to the issue of pornography (you know what’s on his mind – S.E.X).

He stated that it was a temptation that “weakens the priestly heart” and advised these fresh-eyed students of his to immediately erase it from their devices lest they go up in flames. “The pure heart, the heart that receives Jesus every day, cannot receive this pornographic information… delete such things from your mobile phones.”

First off this made me laugh because now he’s let the cat out of the bag that a sh*t ton of priests are watching porn 24/7. I’m not sure how much of a revelation that is to any of us in the adult industry, but nevertheless, it’s still surprising how concerned he is about the ranks of god’s chosen tuning into the special brand of entertainment we provide to the needy. Guaranteed it’s an issue close to his heart because he loves porn just as much as they do, but since he can’t have any fun, he’ll make sure they can’t either by spewing nonsense about the damage it does.

I should cut him some slack. It probably just burns him up that these students he’s giving advice to are enjoying all the fresh sexy content out there while he’s stuck reading the bible and freaking out over Revelations. I bet it really gets him going when he thinks about them watching it on the computer in the church basement where it’s dark and quiet and no one ever comes downstairs except the altar boys when they’re summoned… oops that was inappropriate, but you catch my drift.

Anyhow, Pope Francis was very clear that porn is “how the devil enters” so mull this over:

“Each of you think if you’ve had the experience or had the temptation of digital pornography. It’s a vice that so many people have, so many laymen, so many laywomen, and even priests and nuns… I tell you this is a thing that weakens the spirit.”

Done mulling it over?

Me too, I think it’s the same old sh*t, a religious wacko squelching his innate desires that he was born with, telling others they’ll burn in hell for partaking, while it’s on his mind constantly – so much that it becomes the answer to the simple question on how digital and social media should be used.

Photo credit: iStock.com/uzhursky