LAS VEGAS, NV – Wandering McCarran International Airport in search of one’s bags is never an encouraging way to start a trip to Las Vegas. After getting over the initial frustration, your mind turns to practical questions: “How much is a casino sundry shop toothbrush going to set me back,” for example. What seemed to be bad luck unfolding turned, however, and soon I not only had the missing suitcase in hand, but I had lucked into a ride on CCBill’s luxury party bus – complete with disco lighting, stripper pole (no strippers, though), and some rather appalling techo/house remixes of classic rock songs pumping on the stereo.After decamping and locating my room (which due to my procrastination was a standard room at the Mandalay Bay, rather than fancier digs at the adjoining Four Seasons or appropriately named “The Hotel,” and which looked as though it had been decorated by a 1950’s era schoolmarm from Kansas), I headed to the first of the JBM Show’s first official events, the welcome reception at the Foundation Room Patio, high above the House of Blues, sponsored by ARS and JBM itself.

The well-attended reception, which included extremely tasty hors d’oeuvres and an open bar, was a mellow affair that ran until around 10pm. Attended by a mix of affiliate program owners and their staff, well-trafficked webmasters and vendors of everything from content to 2257 record keeping software, the event lived up to its promise as a good networking forum, and set the table for some very enjoyable days ahead.

Thursday night’s reception dovetailed into a descent en masse onto the grounds of local “gentlemen’s” club The Spearmint Rhino, an outing sponsored by Niche Wealth, and which (not surprisingly) drew a good percentage of the reception crowd. The author, it should be noted, is both married and a bit of a wallflower, and as such took the more prudent course of having a few drinks with a consulting client, and calling it a night. From eyewitness accounts (witnesses who shall remain nameless to protect the not-so-innocent), the Rhino excursion was enjoyed by all, and continued on past dawn of the following morning for some of the hardier attendees.

Friday, the first full day of the show, got off to a slow start, doubtlessly owing in some part to the collective hangover weighing down on the lot of us. After a few motivational cups of coffee, I headed out to “Mandalay Beach” to discover approximately 4 people at the poolside cabana, looking a bit confused, or perhaps just not nearly intoxicated enough. While Greg of Shaw Internet/JBM/etc. took the reigns and worked diligently to secure food and drink for the cabana, several of us made our way to the bus waiting to take us to “Guns and Ammo Day” – a few hours of high-caliber fun at a nearby shooting range.

The trip to the shooting range revealed the one shortcoming of the JBM event as a whole; it was not at all clear where the bus was waiting, for both the Guns and Ammo event, and for several of the subsequent events over the next couple days to follow. With the help of Tonda Bhatt and Peaches, however, I did manage to find the bus – and was very glad to find it, as the event that followed was some serious fun.

Guns and Ammo, generously sponsored by WEG Cash, Jettis and P2Pads, gave all attending the chance to fire some a wide variety of pistols, semi-autos and machine guns. Ranging from relatively dainty 22 calibers up through the potent AR-15 and other portable canons, the assembled firepower was enough to inspire even the most gun-wary webmasters present to gleefully assault the paper targets with round after round of heavy fire. And while I can make no personal claims of fine marksmanship, what I lacked in accuracy I made up for in enthusiasm, letting out a particularly festive war cry when opening up an Uzi on full auto – occasionally even striking the target hanging just feet from my face.

Following fun at the firing range, it was back to the pool, where things had picked up considerably. Free mango-infused mixed drinks were handed out liberally, and the energy level of the group began to pick up accordingly. After enjoying a couple rounds of the liquid hospitality, I made my way upstairs to get a little rest in preparation for a long night ahead.

Having previously scheduled a small dinner among some friends and colleagues, I was unfortunately unable to attend the large dinner party Friday night, graciously provided by Platinum Bucks and Platinum Feeds. From the accounts of those that did attend, it was an enjoyable Italian feast and fine networking forum, which drew a sizeable portion of the show’s populace.

Midnight signaled the start of IllCash’s poker tournament, which might be more accurately described as a series of mini-tournaments. Split into tables of ten players each, rapidly-progressing games of no limit Hold ‘Em (with house money, that is) brought in both serious and casual players from adult internet world. Somehow, inexplicably, yours truly was able to win one of the night’s first games, catching enough good cards – and even better luck – to beat the far superior, and much better-schooled, players surrounding me at the table.

While the poker games themselves were great fun, the most indelible image from the event was no contest; watching Tonda vigorously and enthusiastically spank the hell out a male stripper as he straddled her lap was simply impossible to ignore – and perhaps even deserves some credit for my poker victory, as those antics certainly didn’t fail to distract the assembled players…

The arrival of Satuday morning brought us to another scheduled event I had been eagerly anticipating; high speed go-kart racing, sponsored by Pimp Roll and Reality Feeds. The diminutive yet powerful carts, which reach speeds topping 50mph, quickly earned the respect of all who drove them. Put simply, these are not your father’s go-karts. The jostling, shimmying and shuddering that your body is put through driving one of these carts, which I’m sure pales in comparison to the punishment a NASCAR or Formula 1 driver goes through in the course of a race, gave me a new appreciation for not just the skill but the resilience of professional racers at all levels.

I proved to be slightly better driver than marksman, but still found myself finishing near the back of the pack in each race. After a time trial, we had a team “endurance” race, as well as individual race with 9 drivers on the course at once, making for a crowded and minor-crash-filled ride. After it was all over, a sore and shaken set of drivers climbed aboard the bus back to the Mandalay, I’m sure not entirely prepared for the even greater soreness that would set in over the next two days (as I write this, my arms and chest feel like I spent the weekend as a participant in the Sumo tournament taking place at Mandalay Bay this weekend, rather than an adult internet gathering….)

Alas, the need to catch a flight back home prevented me from attending the remaining events of the JBM Show, which included S.A.K and Wiseman’s birthday bash and farewell party at “The Mix” (the bar at the top of the hotel on the side opposite the Foundation Room). My three days and two nights at the show were most satisfying, however, and productive from a business perspective, as well. Overall, the show was a blast, if somewhat chaotic and unorganized at times, and while I cannot speak for all in attendance…. I suddenly find myself wanting to buy an Uzi.