LOS ANGELES – It’s late November again, which means three things: Lots of turkey-based gluttony, another holiday spent at work for members of the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys football teams (and their opponents, of course) and the arrival of holiday-themed porn parody movies from several major adult studios.
Leading the charge of Thanksgiving porn parodies, perhaps unsurprisingly, are Irritable Angel and director C.V. Joint Norelco, who are marking Turkey Day 2016 with the release of Planes, Stains and Autoeroticmobiles, a movie about one man’s struggle to join the mile-high club without his loving family finding out.
Norelco called making the movie “one of my most rewarding moments as a director.”
“Seriously, it only took me a moment to make this movie,” Norelco explained. “I didn’t even write a script; we just sort of ad libbed it based on the original movie, then my assistant hastily shot a few sex scenes in the most cramped and narrow bathroom our offices have to offer, while shaking the camera from time to time, simulating in-flight turbulence.”
Competing with Irritable Angel for Thanksgiving porn parody-seeking eyeballs is Ergogenic Hardcore, who believe they’ve found a winning combination in the form of inserting their Donald Trump impersonator into every video the studio produces from here on in, with its new Thanksgiving release being no exception to the rule.
“Some of the guys on our creative team were a little unsure how The Donald would fit into Pieces of April Ass,” said Ergogenic CEO Peter Bosch. “But I think when viewers see the scene in which he savagely mocks April’s mother over her having terminal breast cancer, they’ll be reminded of how the real Donald deals with people who even vaguely piss him off and want to vote for him all over again.”
In a slight departure from his usual holiday offerings, Smoking Butterfly owner/producer/graphic designer/CEO Skidley Rott is skipping right over Thanksgiving to offer a movie about a day he believes most American consumers are looking forward to even more.
“I like to mix the traditional with the revolutionary, so while it’s not a Thanksgiving movie per se, there is still a touch of the Thanksgiving spirit in my new film A Charlie Browneye Black Friday,” Rott said. “By which I mean don’t be too surprised if when you’re watching Charlie banging Lucy in the butt you keep hearing him say ‘Thank you God, thank you for this amazingly tight booty-bounty,’ as well.”
Rounding out the season’s porn parody cornucopia is the delightful Dirty Dutch Uncle from director Jimmy Duskish. As Norelco did with his Thanksgiving release, Duskish said his new parody closely tracks the original film on which it is based.
“We follow the original story very faithfully, including shooting Doyle in the nuts with a BB gun,” Duskish said. “In fact, we pretty much stick to the original plot up to the point Dutch and Doyle hitch a ride with a couple prostitutes. In our version, instead of just getting robbed and abandoned by the hookers, they get laid, then robbed and abandoned.”
Noted adult film critic Rex Rod admitted he’s “not entirely enthused” about the idea of reviewing this year’s slate of Thanksgiving porn parody releases.
“Every year it’s the same thing, with the same directors relying on the same handful of old mainstream Thanksgiving movies, and it just gets very tiresome,” Rod said. “Why doesn’t someone do a spoof of What’s Cooking, or Son in Law, or even An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving? Aren’t these worthy of parodies, too? Sure, you’d have to depart from the original script quite a bit, but just imagine how much fun someone could have with depicting Widow Mary Bassett as a sex-obsessed MILF who doesn’t give a shit about her family’s wellbeing and just wants to bang every friend and soccer teammate Solomon brings around, for example.”
