MERLIN, OR — Their latest vanity license plate request seemed like a no-brainer to the Udink family. After all, they already had UDINK1, UDINK2, and UDINK3 on as many vehicles, so there was no reason to anticipate any trouble with their request to add UDINK4 to the collection. They certainly didn’t anticipate being told that their venerable family name was offensive.It was the first time that father Mike, mother Shelly, and son Kalei Udink had heard that the majority of their name has “several derogatory meanings,” as Department of Motor Vehicles panel appointee Yvonne Bell explains “DINK” it to the Daily Courier.

Bell, who is apparently an expert on obscure derogatory terminology, insists that when the word is used as a verb, it becomes a sexual term. When associated with Vietnamese people, the word transforms into a racial slur.

David House, who presumably spends a lot of time thinking about precisely these kinds of things, enthusiastically backs up Bell’s conclusions, adding that the “U” in front of “DINK” could be read as meaning “You Dink,” – whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Although the DMV has a policy of denying requests for letter and number combinations that could be found objectionable in any language forward, backward, or when seen in a mirror, the offensively named Udinks somehow managed to secure three plates over a period of seven years – including one issued just last year.

Somehow things changed when Kawika Udink attempted to join the fleet of vehicles proudly proclaiming the family’s Dutch heritage and capacity for purchasing automobiles.

Now, not only will there be no UDINK4, the state is demanding that the previously approved and continually used without incident personalized UDINK plates be returned post haste.

Mike Udink is unimpressed, especially given the mundanity of his name in his homeland. “Since when can a panel dictate whether your name’s offensive or not,” the Pacific Power lineman asks, perhaps rhetorically, given that House’s response is a somewhat chilling reminder that the state owns citizen’s license plates and therefore can do what it wants.

No word as to whether the fees associated with the five years of now-revoked personalized plate privileges will be returned – nor whether the state will attempt to prosecute the Udinks for years of public indecency or obscenity.