There are few things in this world that make me want to barf as much as goop.

goop.com — the brainchild of actor Gwyneth Paltrow — started out as a newsletter encouraging readers to “nourish the inner aspect” (barf) in 2008. Today, goop touts itself as a “modern lifestyle brand” offering “cutting-edge wellness advice from doctors, vetted travel recommendations and a curated shop of clean beauty, fashion, and home.” (also, barf)

In an effort to offer “cutting edge wellness advice,” goop has suggested several medically and scientifically unsound (also, expensive AF) treatments, many of which can have adverse effects on the mortals using them. You may’ve heard of vaginal steaming, a $500 detox foods shopping list, the use of jade eggs ($66 per) to “clean” internal sexual organs and make sex better (??) and “Body Vibes” — wearable stickers that claimed to “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies” and which goop falsely stated were made of some sorta NASA-developed space material ($120 for a sticker).

Needless to say, goop et al have been sued before.

So, within the context of all this nonsense, would you actually want your product — especially your legit and functioning product — to be “curated” by the site? The answer to that question is a barfy and unfortunate “yes.”

According to Money.com, goop is worth a nausea-inducing $250 million. Further, according to TheAtlantic, goop is and continues to be popular because it “exemplifies — and has capitalized on — several recent trends in health media.” Interestingly, these trends do not include consumer factchecking or engagement with reliable experts. Because, you know, it’s best to consult with your own preferred sources when you’re on your journey.

But mentions are mentions and traffic is traffic, and if goop says get it, some people are gonna. To wit, a press release titled “Sex In The Shower, by Sportsheets and Goop are featured in the UK’s top news outlet” recently appeared in my inbox.

The punctuation in the title made things a somewhat unclear, but a bit of searching on goop let me know that they’re selling goddamn Sex in the Shower products on the site! Images included with the release made it look like goop was selling at least two items from the line, but I could only find one.

The Sex in the Shower Suction Handle Bar was described thusly: “The no-slip solution to every steamy shower sesh, this brilliant handle suctions on and grabs hold of any smooth surface, giving you all the stability you could need. Best of all, it’s completely mobile, so you can adjust it to your perfect height and angle.” Final sale, $11.

Per the press release, Sportsheets seemed excited both to be on the goop site, as well as to be listed as an “answer for couples who find shower sex a slippery struggle” by the UK’s news website of the year, The Sun, who wrote up the scintillating news.

John Turi, Director of Marketing as Sportsheets, stated that, “Getting recognition with such a formidable brand like [goop] is always humbling to our team. Seeing our brand go global and be next to a recognizable name like Gwyneth Paltrow is always exciting.”

Here’s the thing… There’s nothing wrong with a little excitement over being on the sale rack at goop. Hell, I hope Sportsheets moved (and will move) an epic number of Sex in the Shower products as a result of this tacit sex permission via product placement from a fancy Hollywood lady.

My concern however with this happening overall is 1) guilt by association (Do we want legit sex products like items from the Sex in the Shower line on site that tells women to steam their uteruses atop a special throne?) and — as always — 2) sex industry exploitation.

It’s one thing for Paltrow and goop to mention “a little something dirty while you’re getting clean” for all their bad gal naughty shoppers. When the chips are on the table though, I’m willing to bet though they take adult novelty products as an industry and community about as seriously as I take their medical and wellness advice.

(barf)

Grab of goop sale rack by YNOT, taken on June 3 2019. Other images provided by Sportsheets.