COLUMBIA, SC — Ralph Davenport thinks that his state is facing a grave danger that must be addressed post haste. The South Carolina Republican Representative has proposed a stern bill to address an issue that threatens to tear apart the very nature of wholesome American families: the ready availability of sex toys.The Boiling Springs lawmaker wants to see vibrators, dildos, cock rings, and other sex toys added to the list of obscene items prohibited by South Carolina law. Davenport envisions a future where sales of such items, when used primarily for sexual stimulation within state borders, would result in confiscation and a felony, if convicted.

Spartanburg, which is Davenport’s home county, has spent the past few months focusing its investigative energies on several adult businesses, although police in the area admit confusion about how the proposal would assist them.