After the predictably unexpected result of the presidential elections last week, many Americans have been contemplating moving to Canada, land of stronger beer, great weed, abundant booty, and easy-going attitude about, well…just about everything, including sex, porn and politics..After the predictably unexpected result of the presidential elections last week, many Americans have been contemplating moving to Canada, land of stronger beer, great weed, abundant booty, and easy-going attitude about, well…just about everything, including sex, porn and politics.

This “Let’s move to Canada” phenomenon is not abnormal. On the contrary, it’s somewhat of a trend in the US that picks up every four years or so. Many American citizens dissatisfied with their current government spend idle time thinking about packing it all up and moving to the seemingly greener (albeit snow-covered) pastures of Canada. Last week, thousands of Americans hightailed it to the Canadian Immigration website, searching for information on moving up to the great white north.

“When we looked at the first day after the election, November 3, our website hit a new high, almost double the previous record high,” Canadian Immigration spokeswoman Maria Iadinardi said on Friday.

On an average day, about 20,000 people in the United States log onto the Canadian Immigration website, www.cic.gc.ca. The day after the election, that number shot up to 115,016 visits from the US, an almost 600% increase in one day. The next day, the number of U.S. visits settled down to 65,803, still much higher than the norm.

No refugee status…

Of course, visiting a website and actually packing up and moving north are two different things. Applications and all the necessary paperwork have to be filled out and approved through the regular immigration process, which can take anywhere from 4 months to one year.

Canada is one of the few major nations with a large-scale immigration policy, seeking to attract between 220,000 and 240,000 newcomers next year.

Canada’s arms are wide open to our American friends, says our Prime Minister. (His name is Paul Martin, by the way.) But you do have to wait, just like everybody else. And, sorry, you can’t claim refugee status as a Democrat fleeing from Bush.

Becoming a permanent resident could take up to a year, but another way for an American to get across the 49th is to find a job in Canada, which requires a work permit.

Honeymoon at Niagara Falls

Yet another alternative is to marry up – I mean, North. The waiting time to become a citizen is shorter for an American married to a Canadian, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s handy website that sprung up last week for just this purpose: www.marryanamerican.ca.

They even have a pledge for members: “Now that George W. Bush has been declared the official winner of the November 2 election…I the undersigned, a Canadian citizen, pledge to liberate, through the legal and binding act of marriage, a willing citizen of the United States of America, of a gender of my choosing, and with one or all of the following political leanings: discouraged Democrat, reformed Republican, [and/or] apolitical with limited world-domination tendencies.

“In addition, I promise to help my new Yankee spouse to adapt to life in the great white north, keeping them safe from (gratuitous) invasion of privacy, and to provide him/her with a reasonable supply of Timbits.”

In typical Canadian tongue-in-cheek fashion, columnist Thane Burnett from the Toronto Sun offers more helpful advice in his article “Joining’s Easy, eh” with a list of Canadianisms that would-be immigrants need to be aware of (the word you’re trying to pronounce is “about” – not “abowt”), as well as his “standard, “So You Wanna Be A Canuck?” questionnaire.

As one of the requirements to becoming a citizen, would-be Canadians must be prepared to answer a few fundamental questions, such as: “What are Smarties?” and “Name two things Natasha Henstridge and Pamela Anderson have in common.”

Welcome to the 49th!

According to Robert (TheLegacy) from WebmasterParadise, it makes perfect sense that Americans would consider making the move to Canada: “Since the exchange rate $1.20 favoring American money, companies seeking to move to Canada will find a bit more bang for their buck, and those wanting to move will find the cost of living lower with a great deal more benefits and perks.

“Did you know that in Toronto women are allowed to walk around topless? Carry at least one joint? And gays and lesbians can marry? But I think the main issue if you’re considering making the journey is simply this: our beer is much stronger!

“Seriously, we do have a working health care system and a peaceful, apologetic government. It’s not perfect, but definitely the lesser of the two evils. For owners and webmasters, models are cheaper with less attitude (simply ask Vid Vicious), and there is [an] open mentality to the adult industry with less religious overtones from the community.”

Hazel Fruitman (Purple Haze) from WebCamCash offered this opinion on the politics of adult in Canada: “Being in a major city in Canada, I find the political climate toward the adult industry to be largely inconsequential. A change in government to a more right-wing approach could affect our industry if the government’s agenda for that term in office targets the industry. But realistically, I don’t see that happening. The current government we have in place is gaining credibility back and focusing on international matters.

“Unless you are peddling something illegal, like kiddie porn, you will be pretty much left alone. You don’t have to worry about obscenity charges from your neighbors, like you do in the US. In this way, we are more like Europeans.”

In a country where softcore pornography is available on cable TV Friday and Saturday nights at 11pm (Bleu Nuit, anyone?) and where a woman can petition the courts for the same right to be topless that men have always had (and *win* her case), sex and porn are not exactly high-priority targets on our government’s hit-list.

They have other things to worry about…like what to do with all that snow.

SexyScribe is a freelance writer, editor, translator, and enthusiastic purveyor of written smut, as well as erotica publisher at SexyScribe.com. She is a member of the YNOT News writing team, and can be reached at scribe@sexyscribe.com.