By Peter Berton

OTTAWA – News flash! Canadian geese migrate to where the pickings are better, and so do Canadian sex workers.

The first fact likely is no surprise to the enterprising journalists at CBC News, a division of the government-funded Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. CBC operates radio, TV and web services in the Great White North.

The second fact — that sex workers, like most other workers, follow the money — has only just been discovered by CBC News, which is now splashing its epiphany worldwide. “Sex trade workers in high demand in N.L. [Newfoundland-Labrador],” screams a CBC News headline posted this week.

Dear God. People with money in the Maritime Provinces are willing to pay for sex? (Those without money probably would pay too, but can’t.) Who knew?

According to CBC News, sex workers are flocking to Newfoundland-Labrador because the province’s lucrative oil trade generates big bucks and evidently bleeds horny men.

“Newfoundland’s economy is booming,” explains a CBC documentary series called Travelling Prostitute. “The province’s new economy has created a new workforce: travelling prostitutes. Cities like St. John’s [Newfoundland] have always known prostitution. But in the last 16 months, the boom has exploded.”

According to the report, one sex worker who spent three weeks serving clients in St. John’s made $28,000.

“They would be shocked to see what kind of people are coming to see us,” a sex worker named Iris told CBC News. “We wouldn’t be doing this well if your husbands and boyfriends and friends weren’t coming to see us. It’s that simple.”

Husbands and boyfriends and friends, oh my! [Ed.: Our apologies to The Wizard of Oz.] All Canadian, and all hiring sex workers. Again: Who knew?

According to CBC News, other facets of the situation are even more amusing … er, distressing.

“Fuelled by the prospect of thousands of dollars coupled with the anonymity and ease of the internet, escorts are flying here from Toronto, Vancouver and other Canadian cities,” an introductory note states. “CBC Investigates discovered close to 40 women who include Newfoundland on their touring schedules. They offer every service imaginable, and some you can’t imagine. [Ed.: As if.] Why? Escorts can make over $20,000 in less than three weeks with one city, one tour.”

The exposé goes on, breathlessly reporting that sex workers are traveling to Newfoundland-Labrador because of “heavy competition in bigger cities.” After explaining that clients find Iris and other sex workers online — again, who … well, you get the picture — clients hire escorts and do exactly what one might expect a client to do with a sex worker: have sex.

We understand the next CBC investigative reports plan to reveal Columbus discovered America, the sun will rise tomorrow and, despite their best efforts, the Toronto Maple Leafs will not win the Stanley Cup this year.

Postcript: The most insightful comment to arise from the CBC News exposé came not from a news writer, but an online reader named CollegeGuy who posted the following observation:
[QUOTE]The saddest part of this story is that the taxpayers of the province are left out in the cold here. For example, the lady who made $28,000 in three weeks, if this were a legal business, would pay about $4,000 in [harmonized sales tax] and $5,000-10,000 in income tax. Prostitution will always be with us, and as far as crime goes, is pretty well a victimless crime. Time to smarten up politicians. Legalize it, regulate it and then, as with tobacco and alcohol, you can tax the hell out of it. That way, we all win.”[/QUOTE]