TAMPA, FL — According to a recent press release, sensitive types and those shielding their children from rough words or explicit photos have a friend in the RedZee Search engine. Unlike traditional search engines, which will return any old query result, RedZee only allows those deemed suitably unobjectionable. Currently said to be blocking an impressive 35,000 inappropriate words and 13 million equally unacceptable websites, RedZee has a truly innovative approach to keeping information out of the hands of those deemed unready for its. Instead of merely refusing to provide answers to explicit search requests, RedZee refuses to even allow the request to be made in the first place.

In a release lauding the government’s efforts to “stop pornographic Web sites from showing up on computers that children are using,” the company explains that its mission is “to be the most accurate and the most reliable for adults, and at the same time, think of the children.”

Run on sentences aside, the reliability of the supposedly traditional family friendly search engine is irregular, perhaps depending upon developer familiarity with adult content and user feedback. For instance, queries for information about Ron Jeremy, Jenna Jameson, and Belladonna each inspired the adorable red and white striped RedZee.com zebra mascot to shake its head disapprovingly and clear the query field. Similar searches for details about Ona Zee, Bridget the Midget, and Michael Ninn, on the other hand, produced relevant returns.

Even so, minors and adults unauthorized to know the latest and greatest erotic superstars will likely find the search engine of use in avoiding unwanted links to sites deemed inappropriate or of no practical value. On the other hand, those with an affinity for more obscure erotic content may not find it much of a challenge at all.

“We are filling the desperate need for a quality search engine that offers clean, yet still accurate, results,” John Steward, whose position within RedZee Search is never explained, is quoted as explaining in the press release. “We take pride in knowing that people count on us to help in the struggle to clean up Internet searching as we know it,” he concludes.