CINCINNATI, OH — Procter & Gamble proudly manufactures a wide range of home, personal, beauty, pet care, health, and beauty products found in homes throughout the world. According to CNN’s Money, however, some of the products that bring the most joy to their purchasers are not on the company’s authorized or even approved list; chief among them being sex toys.A 66-page cease and desist letter sent by the maker of Charmin “bathroom tissue,” Tide Magnolia & Orange Blossom detergent, Ivory dishwashing liquid, and Pampers Kandoo “personal care products,” strongly suggests that vibrators for sexual gratification do not properly forward the company’s “Touching Lives, Improving Life” motto.

The letter, written to British sex toy company Love Honey, has apparently been using parts of the company’s popular Oral B and Braun electric toothbrushes in the workable parts of its Brush Bunny Electric Toothbrush Rabbit Vibrator.

Company attorneys informed Love Honey recently that their “client’s trademarks should not be used to promote and sell third-party products nor indeed should they be promoted by third parties for any purpose other than that for which they were intended.”

While defending a company’s trademark certainly is sound business practice, claims by the attorneys that “improper use… could potentially result in injury” are more confusing, since they could refer to possible injury while using the item in question – or legal trouble if sale is not promptly halted. Procter & Gamble’s legal staff did not provide information as to the company’s comfort level with its Duracell brand batteries being used to run third party vibrators, not did they suggest that the company might begin to produce Procter & Gamble branded sex toys.