LONGMONT, CO — File this one under “Stupid, But Not So Stupid Somebody Didn’t Try It.”Not once, not twice, but three times within a single month a Colorado man attempted to dupe the same exact adult novelty store into handing him porn DVDs. His impressively bald faced justification was to claim them as his right as a “porn inspector.”

While many, many, many men (and woman) have inspected pornography with both lazy and exacting techniques, this particular man – whose name was not revealed by the Associated Press – decided he should at least pretend to do it for a living.

For the government.

Because he cares about the children.

Not content to merely be a porn inspector, the innovative horndog further claimed to be part of the Longmont police “age verification unit,” and authorized to watch the videos in order to make sure that their performers were all of legal age. He even had a business card and a badge to prove it.

After turning the man down three times within nine days, the shop manager decided to get to the bottom of things by calling the actual Longmont police department.

Commander Tim Lewis assured the AP that no “age verification unit” exists – but surveillance footage of the man interacting with shop clerks does. Although his so-called business card did not include a name, authorities say they are on the look-out for him.