CHICAGO, IL — Twice married, twice divorced, twice reproduced ex-Mouseketeer, ex-teen queen pop tart Britney Spears can’t seem to catch a break lately. With a career rapidly deconstructing into mere gossip column fodder and after having revealed her questionable goods to the American public thanks to now infamous no-panty paparazzi shots, the 26-year-old MILF is grasping at any straw that might prove advantageous to her continued professional existence. Her latest? A photo shoot for Playboy magazine.Alas for Spears, she’s not Playboy quality.

Star Magazine insists that the hair today, gone tomorrow rehab queen approached the venerable and upscale men’s magazine with an offer to show the world whether her boobs are real or store bought – and Playboy didn’t care.

Perhaps the editors are aware of her recent history of making appointments and then not showing up for them – or maybe an unidentified friend of Spears is right when the Star quotes her as saying that the magazine informed her “that she’d need to clean herself up and get in shape to be Playboy-centerfold quality.”

Maybe she’ll think about that the next time she goes “Oops!… I Did It Again” and has a “…Baby One More Time” by yet another man she barely knows.

Or maybe it’s time for her to explore a new part of the entertainment industry and launch a new website…