Paramour of Chucky: Evil Doll Plans World Domination
YNOT – The Joanna Angel Blow Up Doll has issued an invitation to those she considers minions: Create a quirky, irreverent, safe-for-work video documenting her quest to become more than a doppleganger. The doll will peruse the entries, incorporate the ones with merit into her plan for world domination, and reward the creator of the best idea with up to $1,000 worth of adult toys and DVDs courtesy of Topco Sales and Burning Angel Enterprises.“I know she looks harmless enough with that deer-in-the-headlights stare and those outstretched arms that seem to welcome you into an intimate embrace,” said the target of the doll’s nefarious scheme: the human Joanna Angel, writer, director, performer and chief executive of Burning Angel. “But underneath that plastic exterior is an even more plastic interior. That blow-up doll is evil! She tried to take over my porn empire, and this Blow Joanna Up video contest is part of her maniacal plan to take over my life and then … take over the world.”
Topco Director of Marketing and Public Relations Desiree Duffie believes the stress of her busy career has pushed Angel over a bit of an emotional cliff.
“This isn’t a plot to take over the world,” she said, casting a sympathetic glance at a fidgety Angel. “It’s a fun user-generated video contest designed to promote the Joanna Angel Blow Up Doll. Instead of people filming obnoxious videos of their pants on the ground or re-mashing Old Spice commercials, we’re giving them a real challenge. There are a lot of lame memes and parodies out there, and we’re confident you can do more with a blow-up doll than you can with [British singer-songwriter] Rick Astley. At least that’s what Rick’s wife says.
“All you gotta do is make a video doing something whack with the doll,” Duffie said. “You know, introduce her to your parents as your fiancée, hide her in your friend’s dorm room and scare the crap out of him, send her flying across a field in one of those bungee-corded outhouses. That’s the sophisticated humor we’re looking for.”
The contest was inspired by the doll’s somewhat eerie beginnings. According to urban legend, the doll became animated during a freak accident at Topco Sales’ manufacturing facility, otherwise known as “The Dildo Factory.” Surrounded by sexuality and Topco employees from the moment of her birth, it’s no wonder the doll bears deep emotional scars.
“As a plastic-American, I can tell you that I am real and should not be ignored,” the doll warned. “Power to the Plastic! As far as that ‘taking over the world’ line of BS…. Well, let’s just say the real Joanna Angel is a little delusional. But don’t worry. We won’t have to deal with her much longer.”
Contest entries may be submitted at BlowJoannaUp.com. In addition to the grand prize of $1,000 (retail) in branded Joanna Angel merchandise, two runners up will receive $500 in prize. Another $800 in prizes will be awarded to the fan-favorite entry. Complete rules and restrictions are available at the website.