By Peter Berton

NANAIMO, Canada – Feeling the need for a little discipline in British Columbia? Mistress Lalani Electrica is here to help.

Based in an otherwise sedate Vancouver Island town, Electrica is a Domme with a capital D. In fact, in her email and on her website, the 36-year-old former interior designer who describes herself as “assertive in demeanor, but with a compassionate side” capitalized all words that refer to her, including “Me” and “My.” We thought it wise not to contradict.

YNOT: How did you become a domme?

Mistress Lalani Electra: I actually did not know that I was already a Domme during childhood. It was only after I moved from Toronto six years ago that I became in touch with those who recognized that in me. They told me what I was, and that began my journey of self discovery.

I began working at a lingerie store frequented by many people in the lifestyle. From that I became involved in the local scene, and the opportunities to meet and explore opened up before me.

What was it like to transition from being a BDSM participant to a professional mistress?

At first I had a few close friends who I practiced with, to hone and perfect my skills. Going to events and being able to touch many people in various ways was very fulfilling for me.
After a while, many supportive people encouraged me to pursue Domination professionally. As the demand for my services grew, I became ever more popular and the demand grew further and rapidly, since by that time I was well known and people had a lot of trust and faith in my character and what I could provide for them.

Occasionally I would find new techniques to learn. I would spend as much time as was needed to feel comfortable in each activity before I offered it on my menu.

Myths aside, what actually happens in your dungeon?

A lot that happens in My Dungeon. It is not necessarily what happens in the dungeon that matters, but how the acts are executed with seamless grace. That is the most important part, to me, of the art of BDSM.

Everything can happen in the dungeon, from rope bondage, classic hogtie and arm binders to cuffs and restraints; whips, flogging and paddles; golden showers; mutual masturbation, and making someone feel like it is their last and final breath only to give them life again. I can be their terror and their savior at any time.

Because of the trust and reputation in the community I have established, I have had many requests from people not to be issued a safe word. That is a huge sign of trust. I take it very seriously that when someone is under my control, their life is in my hands.

I do not necessarily recommend that path for everyone. It is up to each individual to do his or her research when choosing to submit to a domme, in order to make educated decisions. Each person has their own gifts, either as recipients or as initiators.

Anything I command and what both parties consent to can happen in the Dungeon. These are very personal decisions. Strap-on and anal play are very popular in sessions. Extended teasing and forced orgasms; foot, leg, boot, body and ass worship also are very popular. Sounding and medical exams are requested when negotiating, and simulated interrogations are a possibility. Cross-dressing is popular.

What does being a domme do for you, both professionally and personally?

I did not choose to be a domme; I was chosen by those surrounding me to be their Domme. There is a real misconception that it is a get-rich-quick scheme, which will not work for most. Being a Domme allows Me to provide for those who need comfort, need an escape, have lost a loved one, need help overcoming a feeling of guilt or making dreams come true that have never been realized before.

It can be quite liberating to be able to trust someone with your darkest inner secrets, things you would not feel comfortable sharing with your doctor, psychiatrist, wife or husband or lover, parents or family; feelings one may feel guilty or ashamed of or confused by throughout their lifetime. They would never dare tell their loved ones out of fear of being rejected or having the knowledge interfere with their personal lives. So, people look to Me to share these thoughts, in a sacred space where they can explore with Me, as I have the ability to understand where they are coming from and the strength and insight to be non-judgmental and make it all okay for them to share.

What do most people not understand about the interactions between a domme and her client?

Many people think it is about the domme taking or demeaning their clients in an abusive way which depletes them, which some “domes” do actually do. I find this practice abusive, since they are misusing the trust of the other person.

I believe [the relationship] is about strengthening the clients or subs who are in service and inspiring them to strive to be better people, achieve higher objectives in their lives and learn how to deal with their everyday interactions in a positive way for all concerned — helping them with their confidence issues and helping them relate to their partners in a healthy way.

Is this a job? A vocation? A social service? How do you categorize what you do?

It is, to me, definitely a vocation, since I was elected by My community to be their Dominatri. Even at the start I did not believe it was happening, but the more people validated My position by selflessly following Me, the more comfortable I felt with My true calling.

This is a lot of responsibility, and it does involve some level of regular community service, since it is a vocation rather than a job or career choice. I help many people and organizations in My community to achieve their objectives through fundraisers and have also become a philanthropist in the process. For all those who support Me, I definitely give back to the community the same or more than I receive in one way or another.

What have you learned about human sexuality, and yourself, from your work?

I have learned that human sexuality is very diverse and multi-faceted. The mind is the most important sex organ and can be taken to many places.

There is no rule book, and in our minds there are very few limits. In reality there may be limitations in regards to safety and sanity, so the mind is the safest place to explore. The mind can be supported through some physical stimulation as well.

I have become a lot more comfortable in My own skin since I began this journey and have opened up to more possibilities incrementally as time has progressed. I have discovered that I am truly gifted naturally with the ability to empathize with people in a nurturing way; to be comfortable with the various stages of kink and how they relate to sexuality, and to thoroughly enjoy the seamless art form that I spoke of earlier. Providing that experience for those who have been yearning their whole life for it has been the most rewarding process for Me.

What are your ultimate goals?

At the moment, My ultimate goals have and are being achieved every day. I do have more goals in regards to performance art and being on stage, in film and on camera, as those are places where I shine even more. So, as experienced as I now am, I have so much to share with the world, which most likely can be achieved through film, television and documentaries.

Through all the role-play scenarios I have come up with, I also have become an amazing actress and director. From what people have told Me, I think it would be the next step for Me to take my skills and apply them to a camera for many viewers. The way I speak I have not heard in any other film or from any actress ever, and the way the air gets thick around Me when I am in session will make the hair on the back on your neck stand up.

What do few people know about you?

I grew up in a tough area as a child and had to defend myself daily. I was very lucky not to have become pregnant by 14 like most of my friends.

I was the leader of the pack and always protected my friends and siblings. Even males bigger and stronger than Me were afraid of my wrath, as I was always very feisty and aggressive when I needed to be.

By the time I was 12, no one would touch My friends in any way. They knew they would be in trouble in one way or the other if I found out. The people in My area had a lot of respect for me as a child, and I did not succumb to bullying nor would I tolerate it in My vicinity.

I suppose when I look back on my childhood, I was already a total Domme way back then. There were elements of my budding sexuality that I discovered about as a teen — the way I always teased and denied males who were way too mature for me in a way unlike any of my friends, who went for boys their own age. I much preferred playing mind games with men, as boys were not intellectually stimulating enough to hold my interest.

Those are some thoughts I would like to share. The rest can wait for My book, which I will eventually write about My entire life. Since I have had many requests, I must also pursue that as well, as I have so much more to share.