HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – Honestly, I was a little worried for Jade Greene, the former Washington Capitals Cheerleader and Big 5 beauty pageant queen turned adult performer and erotic author, when I saw the headline of the latest press release from her reps: “Jade Greene Gets the Florida Experience in Reality Kings Debut.”

To be clear, my concern had nothing to do with Reality Kings. My concern was with the “Florida Experience” part of the headline. Because one of the few things I know about Florida is that place is chock-full of Florida Man.

Shit, in the last 24 hours before I composed this post alone, Florida Man attacked an officer after refusing to pay his restaurant tab, got “violently hit” by an SUV (as opposed to peacefully hit by one?) and spent time in the middle of the night on a third-rate social media platform ranting about Joe Biden having been executed in 2020 and replaced by clones and robots.

Thankfully for Jade Greene, she wasn’t performing opposite Florida Man; she was paired with Mick Blue, who – so far as I’m aware – has never tried to wrestle an alligator or eat someone’s face while high on bath salts.

Jade’s reps set the scene in a description of the new release, which I’ve annotated below:

Dressed in a white bucket hat, pink and white bikini, white jean shorts, and black flip flops, Jade Greene boards the pontoon.

(For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a pontoon is a kind of boat, not a kind of sybian.)

Mick Blue, and their tour guide is waiting for her.

(Frankly, I’m not sure the guys had a choice in the matter but to wait for Jade. RK needed to get some porn made here and it’s not like they were going to fuck each other.)

They cruise the lake and start with an impromptu photo shoot, and Mick oils up Jade’s tits and butt, making her very horny.

(Oh, Mick – you old scamp!)

While at the wheel, Mick licks and fingers her and watches her flash her tits and snatch and play with herself.

(I’m not an expert on maritime safety, but captaining while licking and fingering sounds dicey to me. Or is Jade driving the craft while being fingered and licked? Not sure that’s any better…?)

They kiss, and she gives him a handjob before they fuck in missionary. Jade shows off her world-class BJ skills before the two head into a marathon fuck in cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, side fuck, doggy, and standing missionary.

(Uh… is the guide piloting the boat? Are they moored? Is the Coast Guard on hand, just in case?)

Jade gets on her knees with her mouth open for the money shot. After the two are satiated from fucking in the sun, Jade and Mick skinny dip.

(Ok, good – this sounds like a safe, uncomplicated resolution – provided there are no sharks, alligators, snapping turtles or Florida Men hanging around, of course.)

“My RK debut was fantastic,” Jade said. “It was a great way to celebrate my birthday and get the Florida experience on a boat while fucking. Working with a legend like Mick Blue was incredible, and it was fun when I instructed him to ‘wreck that little cunt’ and he did! It will be hard to top this scene!”

If you’d like to watch Mick “wreck that little cunt” – and hopefully not wreck the pontoon – you can do so now by checking out “Ski Boat Skeet” now, only on RealityKings.com.

Jade’s fans will also want to check out the new feature article in Hustler, “Running with XXX Stars,” by Missy Martinez. In it, Jade “discusses her passion for marathons, her motivation for running, and her aspirations to go for the gold.” You can find the article on HustlerMagazine.com.