BERLIN – The world has become a far weirder place since 9-11, especially for those unable to avoid air travel. Or perhaps the only thing that’s gotten weirder is the way that people try to make their carry on luggage more discreet. One can easily imagine that German butchers have seen and felt just about everything. Nonetheless, the employees of one such shop recently encountered a sausage like no other they had ever fondled, cut, or wrapped for transport.

A man who is reported to have spoken in broken English recently purchased two lovely “Schwartenmager” sausages during a shopping excursion in Berlin.

Nothing unusual about that.

The man returned the next day to ask the staff to kindly wrap the sausages and allow them to cool until he was ready to fly to Dubai the following day.

Again, nothing out of the ordinary.

When the hard working butcher shop workers proceed to make the meat tubes comfortable for their impending flight, they noticed that something about them was decidedly different from when they were initially purchased. They were heavier. Heavy enough to make a citizen of a terrorist rich and therefore paranoid world contact the authorities.

Upon investigation, it was discovered that there was more to the sausages than met the eye. As a Mannheim police representative succinctly put it, “It was two latex dildos with a natural look.”

Now, finding two latex dildos inside of a juicy “Schwartenmager” sausage may be unusual and therefore unexpected, it’s not illegal.

“He could have used a loaf of bread,” the representative proposed as a food-based smuggling alternative, adding that “It’s not against the law here. But obviously I can’t speculate on what customs in Dubai will have to say about it.”

Perhaps Dubai customs will find the sausages… strangely satisfying.