By Adnan Nikatula
Special to YNOT

JAMBIANA, Zanzibar – Hello friends, I hope these letters find you well. As you know because of YNOT’s graciousness and fare and blanched approach to the journalistics, I am Adnan Nikatula, CEO of Internet Registry Magic Ltd., which is now the second-most-popular internet registry in all of Zanzibar, following from when number one most popular, Registronics du Zanzibar, get burned down in riot after our national football team lose controversy game to biggest rival, Tanzania Sultans.

I am happy to reporting IRM continue to make good monies from selling the .NGONO names — which, as you know, make very good name for the brandishings of website dedicated to mouth sex, but which you may also not know is very important “protestant word” like the sucks promoted by Rolph Nuder, a man who almost once get one percent of populist vote in election of the American Commander in Chieftan.

If Mr. Nuder were standing here right now, I’m filled to my brim with the confidence he will tell you NGONO is very important protestant word, too.

Everywhere in my country, people look at things and say: “This thing ngono” when they are not happy with the thing. Maybe they look at politicians and say this, maybe it is small tractor supposed to be used for cutting grass but which stop working from bluntness, but both ways it means same thing: no good, unless we are speaking of pleasurable mouth-sex video or high-valued website brandishments.

You will no believe this, but is true: Some “ineffectual property” lawyer man from the ICANNOTS organization has send letters to policemen at the INTRAPOOLS and investigatives from Zanzibar own law enforcers making claim IRM has engagement with business practice which are “provocative, exploitationist and coercitive,” or something like this.

Simply put, this letter and claims it make are an outrageousness, packed with degrading fabricatories, libels and misdemeanor-information. Mostly, I think is because IRM refuse to give into this man’s demands for free .NGONO names, or maybe because he makes secret of being from Tanzania. Of this I’m am not 100 percent with certitude.

Of what I am 100-percent certified, though, is no action will be taken by the INTRAPOOLS, because at IRM we always adhue to the highest of ethnical standards and operate with complete intergrality. We also have motto which say “Our Company is Like Opening Of Book,” which mean IRM operate with full transpondency to all regulatory functionalities — including the men from ICANNOTS.

When IRM first make application to the ICANNOTS for to operate on the sales of .NGONO names, we must jump through many hooplas during formal applications processures, including provisions of detailed financier informations, statement of missionaries and descriptions of intentioned pricing structures.

Back then, men from ICANNOTS do not care about things like ineffectual properties. They care only about one thing: Their own line of bottoms.

When IRM finish formal ICANNOTS application procedurals, all the men from ICANNOTS want to know is: “Where are the check?” They don’t even ask what NGONO mean! They just ask for IRM monies, then say after IRM check clears that everything was hunked and dooried, which back then we pretty sure means same thing as “OK,” but now we not so sure.

Only now, after this so-called lawyer man — or “barrista” as they are called on the rainy island full of pale people with the uneven teeth — make complaining of IRM selling a small fistful of “premerium” names for big monies, are the men from ICANNOTS suddenly caring about things like ineffectual properties rights and some false allegories of extortionism.

All this trouble-making from the ICANNOTS lawyer man has made me sick over all my stomach — just like the time I eat the bush meat sold by a wicked Tanzanian butcher because he tell me it was special organics beef-pieces flown in from some ranch in the Argentinas. Only big difference, back then I feel better after making just a few vomits.

Now it is my hope, maybe with helps from Mr. Nuder, to make ICANNOTS see how important is it for all people, in particularilty the Americans people, to have right to say “this ngono!”

Maybe it will be a bank which hold their monies about which the Americans people will say “this ngono,” or maybe it will be their next Commander in Chieftan — especially if man who wins election is the one called “Bush” from the almost-underwater place with shape like outstretched tube sock, because I pretty sure he been commander twice already, and both times he drop bombs too close to Zanzibar for my likeness.

Anyway, back to my points: IRM need your help, dear friends, and we need Mr. Nuder’s help, too. Please help us make the men from ICANNOTS see how important it is for peoples to have rights to say, “This ngono!”

If you can, walk right up to “Allen Grogan,” the man they give loftiest of title “King of Contacts Appliance Officiant,” and ask him if he no make his ineffectual properties lawyer men be quiet and stop making the libel of IRM, then we all will join in one virtualistic internet voice to say “ICANNOTS NGONO, TOO!”

Thank you, friends, for your consternations.

Adnan Nikatula is chief executive officer for Internet Registry Magic Ltd., Zanzibar’s second-most-popular domain registry.