For those of us who have been around long enough to remember earlier versions of the adult internet business, we all feel it: the mood online has changed.

While no time period has ever been perfect, it wasn’t hard to find helpful and collaborative people on adult industry forums back in the early 2000’s. We were sometimes coarse and crude and loved tossing insults at each other like kids on a playground, but a good portion of that was in fun — and usually (with a few exceptions) little lasting damage was done to individuals or companies as a result.

The collective mood at online adult industry events was often excitement, mixed in with some blissful naivety. The big difference maker was the financial opportunity present in the industry, with big profits attainable by even “small-time” web developers and affiliates. It felt like there was enough to go around, and money flowed freely. Parties were lavish, giveaways were often eye-popping, and the good times made working in adult a dream job.

What’s more, we had a healthy-ish debate culture. There were problems with bad and toxic behavior, no doubt, but few of us then felt that simply discussing our thoughts or ideas was dangerous. In this environment I engaged in countless discussions and debates on industry forums, a process that let me refine my own ideas and understandings by trying out positions and, when necessary, making adjustments. If I got something wrong, nobody called for my head. Part of this reality was fueled by the fact that the names online weren’t faceless, these were people we hung out with and partied with at the aforementioned events. They were other human beings, and people we were likely to see again in-person.

Not anymore.

Some time ago, most of the dialogue moved to social media platforms like Twitter/X, Instagram and Facebook. These kinds of mainstream social media platforms often feel like virtual snake pits. Some statements or positions appear to be safe to parrot, while any unorthodox thoughts run a strong risk of massive backlash and even financial loss. Insults and repercussions in response to an ‘unsanctioned’ thought are too often unreasonably harsh. So many individuals are all-too-happy playing the role of enforcer, punishing those who say anything that hasn’t already been shown to generate likes with their chosen faction or ideology.

In an environment like this, the ideals behind free speech die.

Now to be clear, I don’t mean free speech rights granted by any government, such as the First Amendment protections enjoyed in the United States — which aim to shield citizens from government retaliation. I’m referring to the principles of free speech in a more broad fashion.

Freedom of speech is a principle that supports the freedom of an individual or a community to articulate their opinions and ideas without fear of retaliation, censorship, or legal sanction. This concept is indeed often protected by law in democratic societies because it’s considered a fundamental human right, and vital to the healthy growth of a democratic society. It allows for open and transparent debate on all kinds of topics, short of incitement of violence or defamation.

Here in America, there are no legal protections against the ‘consequences’ of one’s speech, as long as those consequences aren’t dished out by the government. That doesn’t mean though that substituting legal sanctions with private or social penalties is a great idea for a free society. Either way, the result is similar: fewer and fewer people will feel comfortable sharing their ideas, which chills debate and pushes us in the direction of group think.

What’s so wrong with repressing speech that you, personally, don’t like? Here’s a few reasons:

• It can lead to the suppression of new and innovative ideas, as people may be afraid to express their thoughts due to fear of punishment or backlash.
• It infringes on the fundamental human right of freedom of expression, which is essential for a functioning democracy.
• It can stifle dissent and criticism, which are crucial for challenging the status quo. If there’s one thing we can be sure of it’s this: many of the ideas we believe to be commonplace wisdom today will, in future years, be exposed as flawed and unhelpful.
• It can create a culture of fear and self-censorship, where individuals are afraid to speak their minds, and those feeling silenced or unheard can experience big consequences to their mental health and happiness.
• It can hinder societal progress, as open dialogue and debate are often the catalysts for change and improvement. This is true in business too, where truly innovative and game-changing ideas are often met initially with skepticism and pushback.

Today though, it seems like there’s little tolerance for unsanctioned ideas. As a result, many of the more capable minds just choose to remain silent in online discussions, which lets the most intolerant and (often) misinformed amongst us run wild with their bad ideas. This makes it seem like the concepts they’re promoting are uncontested, except by the few fools who try and immediately get labeled, misjudged, misrepresented and shunned — and who wants THAT fate?

We’ve all been there. We read some flawed and uninformed opinion online, start to type a response, think better of it, then delete the response and just move on instead. The resulting group think (fueled by lots of likes!) degrades society, resulting in a lack of creativity and innovation, poor decision making as a result of inadequately thought-out actions, the disregarding of alternative options, suppression of dissent and risky behavior that’s fueled by ignorance.

Part of this change in the adult industry’s culture was fueled by trolls, often anonymous ones, who seem to show up wherever there’s an honest attempt at discussion just to disrupt that process. Other reasons include the less favorable financial reality of the business (which promotes stress and anxiety), the decrease in face-to-face interactions, and quite frankly the good intentions of intellectually lazy people that sadly result in destructive and intolerant behaviors online. We also can’t leave out the people who just enjoy hurting others.

In our personal relationships, most of us know that some people get really angry whenever others disagree with them, and that anger can often result in rather extreme behaviors. Common reactions from this group can include verbal abuse, violent threats or actions, and humiliation intended to embarrass and silence proponents of competing ideas. Other people however always seem to be comfortable and respectful in the face of dissenting ideas.

The capacity to acknowledge and connect with individuals of varying viewpoints is a manifestation of tolerance. Those who exhibit high degrees of tolerance don’t just cause benefits for others, they also experience mental health benefits for themselves. These people are generally more popular in industry circles, which provides a business advantage that compliments the psychological benefits of their mindset. They are generally more at ease around others because they aren’t intimidated by ideas that challenge their own views of the world. The emphasis on acceptance (over competition of ideas) fosters deeper connections and renders healthier business relationships that are more fulfilling.

For those who work in the adult industry, it isn’t hard to find the damaging effects of intolerance on the lives of others.

Anti-porn groups are notoriously intolerant of our right to exist as an industry, and work tirelessly to damage us psychologically and financially. Slut-shaming and body-shaming of talent is so commonplace online, largely because the people engaging in these behaviors feel threatened by sexually liberated women. Homophobia represents an extreme case where certain heterosexual individuals are so intimidated by an alternative way of life that they feel compelled to assault both that lifestyle and its practitioners.

These intolerant individuals often rely on receiving agreement from others for their own validation, and when they get that agreement it feels so good to them that it perpetuates the behavior. They need others to reflect their own views and actions to feel comfortable with themselves and to maintain harmony, and if they can’t get it, they might lash out.

If you are a tolerant individual then you know how to validate yourself. Tolerant people have confidence in their own decision-making abilities. They do not seek external affirmation to enhance their self-esteem or worth. They exhibit a higher level of self-security compared to those who are intolerant.

Although nobody knows the breakdown, it feels like there are a lot more intolerant people than tolerant ones, especially on the social media platforms commonly used in the adult business world. With the former group, their numbers appear to be growing. Tolerance, like empathy, often requires practice and a healthy mind. Intolerance is easy.

Will we see the trend of intolerance reversed soon, or are we just getting started? Will more people suddenly commit themselves to the principles of free speech, or will fear of opposing viewpoints continue to reign on social media?

I hate to finish on a somewhat cynical note, but I have little optimism that the venom and intolerance that’s increasingly commonplace in adult will abate anytime soon. If my concerns have merit, the consequences of that will continue to erode our industry by driving away the helpful and contributing to a repressive environment that’s counter to the freedom our industry has traditionally championed.

For those though that work hard to provide space for opposing viewpoints, I sincerely salute you for being part of the solution. Intolerance is easy, and tolerance and even respect for those who are not like us is difficult.

Something to think about as we move closer to 2024, a presidential election year that’s almost guaranteed to result in bad actors stoking fear and intolerance all over social media.

Fist photo by Pixabay from Pexels