What is swag, you may ask? Before you call your favorite content provider and ask for some “swag content,” it’s not a niche, a fetish or a sex act of any kind. Swag is the convention industry term for the promotional items that are given away at events like InterNext.I went to Las Vegas for InterNext, and I got swag.

What is swag, you may ask? Before you call your favorite content provider and ask for some “swag content,” it’s not a niche, a fetish or a sex act of any kind. Swag is the convention industry term for the promotional items that are given away at events like InterNext. Sometimes it’s as simple as a pen or an article of clothing. In our industry, it can be as practical as a stack of jack mags (which I picked up for research purposes only). In this spirit, I would like to recap the good, bad and so-so swag given out during the 2004 InterNext convention.

Tastiest Swag: The Payday candy bars. They were given out by one of the processing companies, though for the life of me, I can’t remember which one. There was no company logo printed on the bar.

Most Archaic: The mouse pads given out by CNWB (a product of our friends at CyberAge). Good people, bad swag. Most of us are using laptops or laser mice, so the mouse pad is becoming useless.

Most In Demand: Adultplex was giving away free blowjob passes for their party at Sheri’s Ranch (up to a $500 value, depending on your negotiating skills. You’ll have to take my word on it). I’m not sure what you had to do to get the passes; maybe it was a tit-for-tat arrangement with one of the guys in the booth. Regardless, I didn’t score one and spent the night at Gameworks.

What the Fuck: The cum rag from Camz. I don’t know what’s worse, the idea of cleaning up my cum, or the idea of cleaning a cum rag. It looks suspiciously like a towel that one puts on a golf bag (convenient hook on the side), so it may be more of a conversation piece than a practical application.

Thanks for the Positive Thinking: I got more condoms than I can shake a stick at (as it were). I guess it’s the thought that counts.

Most Delightfully Useless: The lighted pen from Brendon’s Bucks. I have no purpose in my life for one of these pens, but I’m glad I got one. Ditto on the lighted ice cube. Unfortunately the letters on the ice cube are so small I don’t know who gave it to me.

Most Completely Useless: The multiple packs of libido-enhancing herbal supplements. Enhancing my libido is the least of my problems. I have to take salt peter before a shoot.

Finally, I’d like to share a word about t-shirts. Collecting t-shirts is one of my main reasons for going to the convention (along with visiting the Star Trek experience and checking out the buffets). Unfortunately, a lot of the shirts peak at extra large. I’m XXL, as are many of my colleagues. We have more than a few XXXLs out there, too. If you are going to buy shirts, you have to consider the ample girth of your Webmasters. We eat, we design sites, we eat some more, we surf, we snack, we spam, we nosh, and then we have dinner. Imagine my disappointment that Playboy and Hustler didn’t have shirts in my size. Only TopBucks and Cybereotica obliged the hefty. We can always count on Cybererotica for fine swag-wear.

Big Lou is a Sherman Oaks, CA-based writer, actor and trivia expert who moonlights as a Webmaster and content provider.