By Mathilda Malkin
Special to YNOT

SAN FRANCISCO – For years now, I’ve been warning people about the twin dangers of Islam and lax U.S. immigration policy through my blogs, numerous Fox News appearances, several books I’ve authored, notes I’ve left on napkins for servers and busboys at the Cheesecake Factory and fashionable body-placards worn by my many supporters and followers on street corners from Manhattan to Malibu.

Recent events have made me realize I need to add to my list of modern mega-dangers two more existential threats to American liberty: technology and radical Islamic pornography.

As if all those pictures, videos and gifs featuring unrestrained cats and improperly-vetted foods weren’t dangerous enough to the security of hardworking Americans, now it has come to light Instagram is the surreptitious home to millions of pornographic videos, supposedly smuggled onto the platform through the use of Arabic “hash tags” — a form of digital narcotic which, as discussed in my best-selling book 333 Reasons Muslims Can’t Be Trusted, is almost as dangerous an item as all those alleged “prayer rugs.”

While Instagram and its shills in the progressive media would have us believe all this pornography was uploaded and shared without the knowledge of Instagram’s operators, owners and managers, common sense says this is just another lie — a digital sleight of hand designed to deflect the public’s attention from a sinister conspiracy on the part of well-placed ISIS sleeper cells to use pornography as propaganda and a recruitment tool.

Look, these radical Islamists might be evil and crazy, but they aren’t dumb. They know the best way to wear down American resistance to any foreign idea (aside from use of Captain Picard face-palm memes) is to wrap the foreign idea in a nonthreatening domestic image, like some sultry, tattoo-covered bimbo rubbing her crotch while begging for someone to ejaculate on her face.

I’m not really that into science (in part because I’m pretty sure the so-called “laws” of physics are really just liberal fascist propaganda designed to put limits on American exceptionalism), but as I understand it, there’s a lot of scientific research, as well as far more reliable information like personal stories told by priests and pastors, proving pornography turns the male brain into a lump of highly suggestible mush — the kind of cranial sludge that makes an ISIS recruiter’s job much easier.

It’s even worse when the targeted convert is a liberal or progressive, because such people are born 75-percent traitor. All it takes is a couple of blowjob videos and the promise of some virgins in the afterlife and the next thing you know, they’re stopping at the machete store on the way to the airport, destination Aleppo.

I’ve been concerned about this possibility ever since Instagram was acquired by Facebook, a site we’ve long known to be a hotbed of hatred for America and source of both staunch support and loyal soldiers for ISIS, Hamas, Hezbollah, Ali Baba, La Raza, MSNBC, Macy’s and dozens of other militant Islamist organizations.

As I first observed in my book Setting the Record Straight: Detaining the Japanese During WWII Was Necessary, Smart, and Compassionate, the most effective way to respond to any threat to our national security is to begin intensive racial profiling of any group of people who look, sound, smell or resemble in any way those who have attacked us or might attack us or who aren’t currently helping us bomb those who might later attack us.

While Donald Trump’s notion of barring new Muslim immigrants from entering the country is a step in the right direction, it’s a step that doesn’t take us nearly far enough. In addition to needing to deport, forcibly, all Muslims already here, we need to make sure they never again have access to a computer, smartphone, iWatch or Fitbit.

It might seem unfair to anybody who has gotten a lift from a cabbie in New York who seemed like a nice guy, but the only way to prevent some Muslims from misusing communications technologies is to prevent all Muslims from using such technologies. Besides, there’s nothing in the Bill of Rights that guarantees a smartphone to convenience store employees. So, what’s the big deal?

While we’re at it, the porn industry needs to get with the program and ban all Middle Eastern and Middle-Eastern-looking performers from its ranks, no matter how many views their videos generate on Pornhub. Out of an abundance of caution, it’s probably also best to ban from porn everyone with any sort of suspicious accent as well, and to deport them to whichever country it sounds like they’re from. Obviously, they can’t be trusted to be honest about which inferior, possibly communist state sent them here to culturally destabilize America.

Some might say these ideas are an overreaction, or even “racist.” These are just the PC war cries of the morally bankrupt American Left, a group of people so concerned about being perceived as fair and tolerant that they can’t even admit all Muslims are terrorists, or that when they aren’t busy raping American women or playing Mariachi music, Mexicans spend the bulk of their time stealing cars.

If you find these assertions shocking or troubling, it’s time to wake up and smell the burning cordite, people. Radical Muslims and their anti-American allies aren’t just here, they’re poised to strike at any minute.

What this porno-Islamist infiltration of Instragram proves, beyond any doubt, is these terrorists have expanded beyond bullets and bombs and right into boobies and buttholes.

Why has ISIS branched out into porn, you might ask? Simple: They know the way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach (especially if he’s not particularly into falafel), but through his penis. If ISIS can convince the kind of everyday schmucks with enough time on their hands to find porn buried in the bowels of Instagram they’ll get laid if they join the jihad against America, there’s no telling how many millions of recruits they might attract.

They might even manage to rope in some white guys — people who are notoriously difficult to racially profile, because most cops have been properly trained not to suspect white men of crimes unless their hair has been allowed to grow below their shoulder blades. Men with long hair could be hippies, metal heads … or worse, Willie Nelson.

Mathilda Malkin is an American conservative author, political commentator and blogger. She used to be a regular contributor to Fox News, but lately it has become much too liberal for her, as related in her latest book, “Fox in the Henhouse: Is Rupert Murdoch Secretly Banging Hillary Clinton, or What?”