By Bob Meski
Special to YNOT
LUBBOCK, Texas – In recent weeks, probably due to discussions about which bathrooms transgender people should and shouldn’t use, there’s also been a lot of talk about why transsexual pornography is so popular in places like Alabama, North Carolina and my home, the great state of Texas.
Some people say it’s because many conservatives like me are in deep denial about our sexuality. We are so afraid of our own desires, they say, we lash out at the exact things that turn us on, unable to deal with the reality of our true sexual selves.
Others say it’s because straight men tend to fetishize body parts, which I guess means when we jerk off to a video of what otherwise appears to be a woman, only she has a penis, we’re able to separate things out and be turned on both by the chick’s tits and her ability to join her male partners in ejaculating on those tits.
I gotta tell you, though, as a native Texan with approximately 6 terabytes of transgender pornography stored on various external hard drives currently strewn around my house, the analysts and pundits who are trying to decipher the “red state porn data” have completely missed another possibility: I and other trans-porn downloaders are just holding this stuff for a friend.
Yes, just as the half-pound of marijuana police found in my dorm room back in 1987 really belonged to my friend James, a star on the Texas A&M football team at the time who nonchalantly asked me to “hold on to it” for him for a few days, all this trans-porn littering my digital life is just a byproduct of my selflessness and willingness to do anything to help out a buddy in need.
I know what you’re thinking: Bob, that excuse sucks worse than my 12 year-old trying to convince me he hasn’t been to school in the past two weeks because he forgot how to get to the bus stop a block away from our house and was simply too embarrassed to ask for a reminder to cross the street and turn right. So, naturally, he had to go huff glue and play video games with his friends instead.
My explanation happens to be true. I had no interest in smoking marijuana or profiting from its sale in 1987 and also had no idea why James’ backpack smelled the way it did. Today, I’m not even the slightest bit curious about the tranny porn I’ve spent hour upon hour downloading and storing for another friend — who shall remain nameless because the last thing he needs is people finding out an elected official occasionally binges on transsexual porn for several hours at a time.
I’ll admit, once or twice I’ve sneaked a post-download look at the videos, but I assure you this was done only to confirm the download had finished without a hitch. I’m doing this for a friend, after all, and I certainly don’t want to pass along the drives only to find out they were filled with corrupted files or viruses or accidentally downloaded lesbian porn in which there are plenty of chicks but a decided dearth of dicks.
Rest assured, if I did like transsexual pornography I’d say so, loud and proud. After all, most people don’t approve of me supporting Donald Trump’s candidacy, but I bravely wear a bright red “Make America Great Again” hat everywhere I go — except when I’m stopping by Intimate Expressions down on 50th Street to rent a few transsexual porn DVDs to rip and add to my friend’s ever-growing collection, which I’m sure he’ll come pick up any day now.
To be clear, I don’t leave the Trump hat at home when I go to Intimate Expressions because I worry about offending the clerks who work the counter. I do it to avoid turning on the “cruisers” who hang out in the video booths there, because no matter what they might say to the contrary, the gays in Texas want nothing more than to get down and dirty with a straight, macho, bona fide 100-percent heterosexual Texan stud like me — at least according to the one guy who tricked me into jerking him off inside one of the booths by claiming to be a woman with an extraordinarily large clitoris.
Anyway, my point is, not every conservative who downloads, streams, rips, burns, hoards and occasionally excessively masturbates to transsexual porn is a “closet case,” because many of us actually store our anonymous tranny-loving friends’ hard drives in the pantry, not the closet.
Bob Meski is a resident of Lubbock, Texas, who generously provides transsexual-porn-storage services to his friends free of charge. He definitely isn’t attracted to transgender individuals, despite having accidentally paid several of them to have sex with him over the years.
