CHICAGO, IL — “Will she or won’t she?” seems to be the hot new question when it comes to whether a media hottie will grace the glossy pages of Playboy magazine these days. With Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell publicly bickering while possible magazine cover girl and still reigning Miss USA Tara Conner finishes rehab, the popular media bubbles with excitement about the possibility of a Posh Spice or Kelly Osbourne shoot.Alas for the recently slimmed down, body proud, and temporarily optimistic depressive Osbourne, Hef doesn’t seem as enthusiastic about presenting her new form as she is about showing it off.

Acknowledging that she’s not completely porno perfect, 22-year-old Osbourne has conceded that her desire to go “fully nude” in a photo shoot for the fancy pants men’s magazine would likely require “some airbrushing on my tits.”

Octogenarian Hef, for his money (and it is his money), says he “can’t see it happening somehow — we don’t airbrush to that extent.”

Ouch.

On the other hand, not every women with a body that doesn’t require much post production futzing and fixing is in a hurry to drop her pantaloons for the bunny king. Hefner has been thrilling the mainstream with an insistence that Victoria Beckham, also known as Posh Spice of Spice Girls fame, “should do a pictorial with us,” going so far as to say that “We’ve got big plans for her. I think she’s going to fit in fine,” adding that both she and her relocating soccer star husband are “both gorgeous.”

Alas for Hefner this time, his “girls at the mansion,” who have spent so much time and energy “talking about” Mr. Beckham’s move and their fervent desire that he be put on the Playboy Mansion party list are getting an icy reception from Ms. Spice.

Word has it that the 32-year-old beauty has informed her husband in no uncertain terms that he is not attending any parties with Hefner and his friendly blonde girlfriends. Although a friend says “She has nothing against him personally,” Posh “has made it clear to David that they won’t be taking Hef up on his offer” because “she wouldn’t feel comfortable about sitting there with her husband while half-naked girls parade around them.”

No word on how she’d feel if one of those half-naked girls was Kelly Osbourne.