TALLAHASSEE, FL —The otherwise innocent women, children, and delicate of sensibility living in Florida must once again face the possibility of catching sight of fake testicles, thanks to a last minute highway safety bill change slated for review by Republican Governor Charlie Crist. Although it looked grim for the artificial bull testicles that some bawdy natured jokers like to affix to the rear bumpers and trailer hitches of their trucks and cars, a last-minute removal may have saved them from the chopping board.
A ban on the questionable motor vehicle ornaments was introduced by Sen. Cary Baker (R-Eustis), a gun shop owner who finds dangling fake bull testicles disgusting. Inserted into highway safety bill SB 1992, the prohibition would have fined violators $60 for displaying the surprisingly popular regional novelty items.
The Senate voted to add the measure to a transportation bill two weeks ago, inspiring energetic debate and pun-filled headlines as the “Truck Nutz” issue caught the local media’s attention.
Alas for Baker and his sensitive eyes, the amendment, which originally included broad police powers to ticket any car ornamented in a vulgar way, did not live long enough to enter the Florida House version.
Those who questioned the wisdom of a ban that might infringe upon the free expression of truck drivers included Sen. Steve Geller (G-Cooper City), who wondered if pissing Calvin stickers would be next – and 68-year-old Sen. Jim King (R-Jacksonville), who told the press that he once had a pair of metallic bull balls on his own “pimped out” Suburban – until his wife complained.
King apparently believes that there’s no need for the government to infringe upon the rights of citizens when the home environment provides plenty of opportunities already.
