LOS ANGELES, CA — When mad man director Thomas Zupko returned to Extreme Associates, the world of adult entertainment knew that something was going to happen — something out of the ordinary. Now, after five months of development, that “something” is Ass Squirts — and it’s preparing to arrive on shop shelves in February, the month of love.”This movie is way out there — but in a good way,” a company press release quotes Zupko as warning. “As a matter of fact, I think we created a new genre of porn. What the genre is, fuck, even I don’t know.”

While Zukpo figures out what his new genre is — and possibly speaks with the masterminds at JM Productions and Black Mirror Productions, each of which has released footage featuring content similar to what productions stills indicate populates the new title — Extreme Associates is launching www.AssSquirts.com in order to promote the new bundle of joy.

Company owner Rob Black speaks volumes when the press release quotes him as saying that “I think people will talk about this movie for years to come. It’s patented Zupko lunacy with intense sex. It’s hot, bizarre, controversial, and almost impossible to describe.”

The AssSquirts.com website hosts a video trailer, still galleries, interviews with the cast, and exclusive website bonus footage. Those unwilling to wait until they can purchase a hard copy of the release will be able to view a Video-on-Demand version prior to store release.

The press release promises not only “a crucified midget, blasphemous priests, insane ass-squirting nuns, and various existential pseudo-shenanigans,” but also Extreme contract girl Paris Gables, as well as Amber Rayne, Felony, Missy Monroe, and Rebecca Steele’s first on-camera anal scene. Providing the penile inspiration will be Rick Masters, Brett Rockman, Valentino, and Diablo (the aforementioned “crucified midget”). Lisa Ann will provide a “very special guest appearance.”

According to Zupko, who recently received a Special Jury Award during the Barcelona, Spain Ninfa Awards, believes that Ass Squirts is the “culmination” of his 12-year career as a porn director.

“I’ve pretty much seen it all,” he assures his fans. “I’ve made the craziest of pornos with in-depth storylines, cerebral sex dramas, created the Big Wet Asses series, which now everyone seems to copy, but I always try to grow and develop new things on the XXX stage. I’ve learned along the way from so many in this business, and each day I feel there is so much more to accomplish.”

And thus his latest accomplishment is Ass Squirts, which he assures will be “a wild, wild ride with numerous highs and lows. I think many of us who shared in the experience of making it will never forget it. I hope everyone likes it.”

For those who will invariably not like it, there’s always years of expensive therapy to help soften or remove the memories.