By Karen Komly

Special to YNOT

SAN DIEGO – As you may have read, at a recent gathering of Mensa in San Diego, a number of porn performers like myself were invited to “rub shoulders” with the big-brained membership of the high IQ society.

The term used in the invitation is one I really wish I had known wasn’t to be taken literally before I scared the living hell out of some poor old geezer by greeting him with a friendly-but-unanticipated nudge, which he unfortunately interpreted as an assault of some kind, sending him into the hotel lobby screaming about being accosted by “some woman with volleyballs stuffed inside her bra.”

Other than a few other misunderstandings along these same lines, I think it’s safe to say most of us porn performers had a lovely time at the Mensa gathering, other than the event proving beyond any doubt my long-held point of view that every single living heterosexual man blessed with the gift of sight would rather look at my tits than my face when I’m talking.

Seriously, anybody who thinks smart people are any less perverted than dumbfucks has never spent any time around smart people. The worst part is, despite being super intelligent, these Mensa guys aren’t any better at coming up with pickup lines than are dullards. If anything, they might be worse at the art of seduction – something which, to be fair, pretty much always works better when it is being employed by someone who doesn’t look like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.

One fellow I spent some time with, a mechanical engineer from the Bay Area named Ken, tried to woo me by demonstrating a detailed knowledge of something called “kinematics,” which I initially assumed was a show made for the WB, but which sadly turned out to be a lot less compelling than Yakko, Wakko and Dot.

What really got me, though, was when it was my turn to say something, Ken’s eyes would immediately become glued to the cleavage showing through my low-cut top. Even more disconcerting, I noticed his right hand began to tremble slightly, as though it really wanted to let go of the glass he was holding and seize his dick to initiate the overly familiar routine of masturbation, at act with which this particular hand is evidently well-accustomed.

By the time spittle began to collect around the corners of his mouth, I was every bit as grossed-out by Ken as I am by the decidedly non-Mensa guys who line up at the Zero Balance Video booth every January in Vegas, looking for autographs and hoping in vain for to be allowed to take a picture of themselves sucking one of my nipples.

I have to say, some of the women in Mensa weren’t much better than the guys when it came to gawking and mentally undressing me. Granted, the women weren’t doing it with lust in their eyes, so much as they were doing it with seething, unrelenting resentment and murderous jealousy.

Some of the ladies seemed pretty intent on taking me down a peg, too, in the only way they knew how: They brought up stuff a person only knows if they took some obscure course in college.

Like this one bitch, a snooty little doctor from New Hampshire, she butts in on a conversation I’m having with a physicist from Boston to bring up some “interesting new paper” she read in something called The Journal of Non-Crystalline Solids. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I just grabbed at the physicist’s crotch and said “Oh, I know all about non-crystalline solids and where they ‘cum’ from.”

Granted, that probably doesn’t make sense, but it did do the trick. The stuck-up doctor looked disgusted and walked away, while the physicist learned something new about the fluid dynamics of erections; namely, how quickly one forms when your dick is being grasped by a pornstar with 40” E cups.

Despite the many examples of how having high intelligence doesn’t preclude the possibility of one also being a depraved pervert, I really enjoyed the Mensa gathering, and I’m definitely planning to attend more in the future. Heck, I’ve even purchased an in-depth, highly technical educational DVD series to help bone up on my science knowledge, so I won’t feel so out of place!