By Ahktar Jamal Bin Suroeste
Special to YNOT

CAIRO – The Egyptian government this week began an important trial of a major criminal woman who is responsible for the corruption, titillation and unclean browser histories of an entire generation of young Egyptian men.

Outside Egypt, some people have expressed sympathy for Entsar Abdel Baset Ali Mohamad, a TV personality “talkie head” person with an evil show where she commits seditious treason by encouraging Egyptian women to think of themselves as full human beings, in addition to committing other very serious crimes, like calling for so-called “sex education” in our proud nation’s schools.

It might be hard to accept from the perspective of an American, because your debased culture swims in an endless sea of filth, degradation and “equal rights,” but this horrible Entsar woman deserves no pity and no empathy. For this matter, she really deserves no trial!

What is there to prove at trial which has not already been proved by the detestable words this unchaste female spoke right from her own culturally diseased mouth? Read this awful heresy and judge for yourself:

“Most Egyptian men know nothing about how to have a real sexual encounter; therefore, they must watch porn to learn how to act during their first time. He who fears falling into sin prohibited by religion can cool down by watching porn films. These films, in addition to books, help explain sexual relationships to many men before marriage, which will prepare them for marriage.”

I know in America you have an exception to your First Commandment called the “hate speeches,” so I must ask you now: What can be more hateful than to suggest Egyptian men don’t know where to put their strong, pure penis unless we get some kind of graphic, moving-pictorial advice from some American like the infamous “hog of hedges,” Ron al-Jeremy?

Yes, we have problems in Egypt — and one of them is unruly women and girls who listen to terrible influences like Entsar and famous American females who go around the world trying to make everybody into filthy, secular whores. Like this Madonna person, for instance, who dedicates her life to stealing children from hard-working Africans just to make them dance in her short musical films, and her child-thieving protégé, the one who is married to a man clearly named Mr. Pitt, but still defiantly goes by her name of maidenhead, “Brangelina.”

In Egypt, we have hard enough time convincing women to do the right thing, like laundry and never leaving the house, because of all these bad-minded foreigners who fill their minds with negative ideas, like wearing pants or driving cars. The last thing we need is actual Egyptian women encouraging nice girls to stop listening to their fathers, or to notice they have genitals. Those genitals belong to their future husbands, not a plumber or some random person who brings the pizza pie to total strangers.

Some say whether or not we make Entsar shut up and go to jail to possibly receive richly deserved electric shocking to her foul, sinful nipples, many Egyptian men will still watch the porno. To prove this, these people show reports from internet machines claiming to prove a lot of what they call “trafficking” comes from personal computers in Egypt.

Personally, I think this is a big trick, probably made by Israel, or maybe by the Americans, who for some reasons want everybody to think Egyptian men have sex on our brains all the time, instead of important religious contemplations. But, believe it or not, the only time we Egyptians think about sex is when it is time to make children — and OK, maybe sometimes when there’s a belly dancer contestant on Egypt’s Got Talent — but that’s it.

Other than these rare times, if our penises do ever become problematically hardened, this is just one of the side effects of chewing the qat we got as a gift from our Yemeni friends, for sure.

So please all you Americans, as you read more stories about Entsar Abdel Baset Ali Mohamad, possibly to include maybe a little of what your CIA calls “enhanced techniques for the interrogationals,” do not feel sorry for her. Instead, feel sorry for the millions of youth whose minds she has twisted and corrupted — and also feel pity for their penises, about which they may be forced to ask their doctors in humiliating fashion, four hours after listening to Entsar’s sinful show.

Ahktar Jamal Bin Suroeste is an Egyptian journalist who writes for an underground newspaper published in Cairo — one that definitely isn’t currently operating out the back of a small grocery located in the heart of Khan el-Khalili.