WASHINGTON, D.C. – I don’t think it’s a stretch to say there’s very little bipartisan agreement in Washington on anything these days – which only makes it more horrifying to read a headline like “Why Republicans (and even a couple of Democrats) want to throw out tech’s favorite law.”

As I’m sure you just did, I knew before clicking over to NBC’s story that the law they’re talking about is Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. Hell, I knew this even though (a) I’m not that bright to begin with, (b) I’ve used a lot of drugs in my life this weekend and (f) I’m not 100% certain I can even list things in alphabetical order anymore.

One of the problems with Congress is, despite being more crowded with lawyers than the average K Street bar, a lot of these motherfuckers either have no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to things like Section 230, or – arguably worse – they’re knowingly full of shit and just don’t care that they’re spreading misinformation.

Take Senator Josh Hawley, for example. Here’s his take on what’s wrong with Section 230: “With Section 230, tech companies get a sweetheart deal that no other industry enjoys: complete exemption from traditional publisher liability in exchange for providing a forum free of political censorship. Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, big tech has failed to hold up its end of the bargain.”

What Hawley is referring to (I guess?) is 47 U.S.C. § 230(a)(3), a Congressional ‘finding’ that says: “The Internet and other interactive computer services offer a forum for a true diversity of political discourse, unique opportunities for cultural development, and myriad avenues for intellectual activity.”

Please note the finding says precisely jack-shit about Section 230 immunity requiring platforms to “provide a forum free of political censorship.” There’s nothing even remotely close to such a provision under this law. I know, not just because I read the thing three times just now, while relatively-if-decreasingly sober, but because I’ve gotten stuck at legal seminars and downtown bars and trade show luncheons and AA meetings sitting next to lawyers who are experts in this sort of thing won’t shut up about it.

Look, a lot of other people who know way more about this shit than I do have written extensively about what Section 230 really says and requires, why it’s so important and a bunch of other insights I shouldn’t try to come up with while also taking part in a Labor Day beer-guzzling contest with my cousins.

Really, I’m just here to metaphorically get down on my knees, symbolically clasp my hands together and figuratively beg guys like Josh Hawley to please not fuck with Section 230. Seriously guys, just leave well enough alone…. Please?

Besides, if Hawley ditches his efforts to remake Section 230, he can turn to his other bright ideas – like passing laws to ban “addictive features” of social media. (#EndInfiniteScroll, anybody?)

Pug stock photo by Richard Dudley from FreeImages