YNOT – When Time Out’s 2009 sex survey results came in, the editors of the British entertainment tabloid seemed astounded to discover their countrymen evidently are as randy as the most perverted American.“Londoners are rarely shy — a fact proved by the unabashed and eye-wateringly honest response to this year’s Time Out sex survey,” the editors noted in a bare-bones analysis of the responses. “You exposed yourselves on subjects ranging from favorite position to sex injuries. Forty-five percent of respondents were male, 55 percent were female — and 100 percent were, to a greater or lesser degree, filthy.”

A quick review of the results confirmed the editors’ evaluation. On average, both women and men rated their kinkiness quotient at about 3.5 on a scale of 1 to 5, with 13 percent of men and 5 percent of women describing themselves as “practically perverted” (a 5 rating). The self-evaluations were born out by respondents’ fascination with fetishes. Many reported the now-mundane as turn-ons: handcuffs, feet, ears, necks, ankles and gentle spanking. Two replied “armpits,” and one mentioned “sweaty socks.” Less common but more titillating answers included “bubble-wrapping women,” “men in fishnets,” hermaphrodites and transsexuals, “being a pet,” sex with a lover and his father at the same time, feathers, pregnant women, “tacky girls” and “girls in Arsenal shirts.”

Although no apparent attempt was made to link fetish behaviors with sexual injuries, one has to wonder whether some correlation existed based on responses to the question “Have you ever injured yourself having sex?” According to Time Out, injuries varied from the “fairly prosaic” (chipped teeth and pulled muscles) to the “more spectacular” (flubbed acrobatic maneuvers, falling from scaffoldings). “Graphically honest” replies included “my partner’s long nails scratched my vagina” and “red skin all over my penis due to friction.” One response even reminded the editors of lyrics from a folk song: “Sex under a tree, bruised my tailbone on a root.”

Fantasies, too, ranged from the everyday (multiple partners in every imaginable combination, sex outdoors and light bondage) to role-playing that in some cases came close to pegging a needle: sex with vampires, sex during which both partners wear tights (which several men also mentioned as their biggest sexual insecurity) and abduction by everything from educators to stable boys to train conductors to cyborgs. Toys, corsets, uniforms and period costumes all played roles, as did buses, parks, taxis and trains.

Under normal circumstances, the Brits said they most enjoy plain old vaginal sex (63 percent of men and 73.5 percent of women), followed by oral sex and anal sex (with a gap between the sexes on the anal question: 13 percent of men vs. 2 percent of women). Masturbation brought up the rear: 2 percent of men and 3.5 percent of women claimed taking matters into their own hands is their favorite activity. Ninety-eight percent of men and 86 percent of women rated their sexual appetites as “healthy” (as opposed to “low”), which may or may not explain the 46 percent of women and 64 percent of men who admitted they have masturbated at work.

Men also gave themselves high marks on their ability to satisfy a lover. On average, men rated their prowess at 3.7 on a scale of 1 to 5.

“A bravely honest 2 percent rated themselves as a 1 out of 5,” the Time Out editors noted. “A cockier 13 percent gave themselves full marks.”

Women on the other hand gave themselves an average score of 3.6. None of the female respondents outed herself as a 1, and only 2 percent boasted they are 5s.

In a bit of a shocker, women reported having sex more frequently than men: 3.2 times per week vs. 2.6 times a week, respectively. Still, the ladies said they would like to be having more sex — an average goal of 5.9 times weekly emerged. It’s hardly surprising men also reported wanting more sex, but perhaps they should pick a more reasonable target: The average goal among men was 24.5 times a week, or more than three times a day. (As the editors pointed out, “Good luck, gents,” unless the 24 percent of men who admitted they have paid for sex intend to go about upping their frequency in that fashion.) However, with 13 percent of men claiming to have had sex with between 50 and 300 partners, some may be sneaking up on their idea of nirvana.

As for how soon after meeting someone sex is appropriate, most women reported “after three dates.” Most men considered sex on the first date perfectly within the bounds of reason. At the extreme end of the scale, 22 percent of men and 4 percent of women responded “within five minutes.”

As the Time Out editors commented, “so there are probably 22 percent of men looking for 4 percent of women — and a spare five minutes.” Undoubtedly this plays into the unlikelihood any of the men will reach their goal of 24.5 lovemaking sessions per week.

Pornography use, of course, was among the questions. Forty-four percent of men called porn “essential.” Only 14 percent of women were as impressed with adult entertainment. No one indicated porn is “revolting.”

For the complete survey results, click here.