SUFFOLK COUNTY, N.Y. – As a general rule, it’s not such a swell thing to be both a New York politician and someone featured in a New York Post article tagged with keywords that include “Twitter,” “Belle Knox” and “Insert Your Name Here.”

If you happen to be a New York politician named Steve Bellone who follows Belle Knox on Twitter, the above is bound to be exactly what happens to you.

So, think fast: What do you say when the Post calls to ask for comment as to why you are now following the so-called “Duke Porn Star” on Twitter?

Hah! This is a trick question, because when the Post calls, you say nothing.

What your spokesperson says is, “County Executive Bellone’s Twitter account, which is operated by his staff, has been hacked and an obscene Twitter account was subsequently followed. A formal complaint has been filed with Twitter and the third-party software used to assist in managing the account. His staff has instituted stricter security protocols to ensure an incident like this does not happen in the future.”

Ordinarily, I’d say other than the dubious hacking excuse, there’s not much of a story here. Some staffer, either confused and thinking he was using his personal account, or disgruntled and intentionally leaving a PR landmine for his boss to step on, followed a porn star on Twitter. So what?

When I dug a little deeper, though, I found some connections and clues that definitely warrant closer inspection, if not immediate, full-scale, Mother-let’s-stockpile-the-food-in-the-bunker Biblical panic.

You see, I’m afraid Steve Bellone may not be the innocuous, low-key County Executive he appears. I think this whole “hacker” misdirection might be designed to conceal a more sinister agenda, one the good people of Suffolk County honestly should have seen coming.

How could the voters there have known Bellone was an agent of sexual corruption and general moral decay? Shockingly, it’s all spelled out openly in the man’s executive biography on the Suffolk County government’s website.

There, plain as day, as though it were something of no consequence at all, the Horrific Truth is revealed: Steve Bellone “previously served as Babylon Town Supervisor from 2001-2011.”

How did this slip below the national radar? A man who for 10 years served as the Supervisor for a place that features rather prominently[FONT=Arial]—[/FONT]and none too favorably, I might add[FONT=Arial]—[/FONT]in the Book of Revelation?

Oh sure, academic eggheads and fact-idolizers of all kinds will tell you references to Babylon in Revelation are metaphorical, but I’ve never trusted anything but The Word itself[FONT=Arial]—[/FONT]except on occasions when I’ve given all my expendable income to Robert Tilton so I can “Strike It Rich In Christ,” but that’s an investment thing, and a totally separate issue, obviously.

Like many evil men before him, Bellone hasn’t bothered to hide his intentions from the unsuspecting public, instead relying on voter apathy and media complacence to shield against the uncovering of his devious, demonic intent.

For instance, Bellone cleverly disguised a prior scheme to open bordellos, gay bathhouses and opium dens by referring to his proposal as “a comprehensive, community-based revitalization plan that redevelops the area surrounding the Wyandanch Train Station into a walkable, pedestrian-friendly, vibrant downtown.”

The description of the plan doesn’t say so openly, but common sense tells me any comprehensive, community-based revitalization plan developed by a former Supervisor of Babylon who follows a porn star on Twitter also included convenient, pedestrian-friendly glory holes in the public restrooms and a lubricant dispenser to go along with the antibacterial soap.

The project even had a creepy, ominous name: “Wyandanch Rising.”

Sure sounds like some sort of Satanic cult thing to me[FONT=Arial]—[/FONT]plus, apparently it was recently selected as the future home of the Long Island Music Hall of Fame, which presumably will include an appropriately venerating display dedicated to Long Island legends like “Blue Oyster Cult” and the rapper “Diabolic.”

Coincidence? I think not!

What does any of this have to do with Belle Knox, you ask? Well, I haven’t traveled so far down the rabbit hole just yet, so I can only speculate, but the initial signs clearly are troubling.

For example, “Belle Knox” has nine letters in it. If you divide nine by three, then multiply it by two, it becomes six, and there you have the first (or maybe second, or perhaps third) 6 in the well-known Evil Number 666.

However she might specifically fit into his fiendish plot, in a more general sense I think Bellone has already told us why Belle Knox is his kind of co-conspirator.

“Bellone’s Economic Development plan has focused on building innovation economies throughout Suffolk County to attract highly skilled and knowledgeable workers, and to keep young professionals on Long Island,” his biography boasts.

Now, I’m not familiar with her work, but it’s my understanding Ms. Knox has proven in her performances to be “highly skilled” and she’s certainly a “young professional,” so clearly she’s precisely the sort of person Bellone wants to surround himself with there in the lustful landscape of Long Island.

Of course, the most obvious symbolic connection between Belle Knox and the Supervisor of Babylon flows from the chosen venue for her collegiate studies. She is a Duke “Blue Devil,” after all.

Again[FONT=Arial]—[/FONT]if you want to believe all of the above is mere coincidence, such is your prerogative, but I’ve been around the block a few times and I know how to read the signs.

Of course, “reading the signs” in my own particular fashion has resulted in my being permanently banned from local City Council meetings, eHarmony and Chuck E. Cheese, but I continue to stand by every last one of my previous cosmological theories, Apocalyptic visions, numeric prophecies and bar-tab-dispute claims.

At the very least, I think we can all agree my explanation makes more sense than that “hacker” bullshit. Seriously, who’d they hire to do their PR[FONT=Arial]—[/FONT]Anthony Wiener?

Image: Queen of the Night, thought to be a representation of Ishtar, Babylonian goddess of fertility, love, war and sex. Baked clay relief panel in the British Museum.