Most of the time, when I read about a website settling a lawsuit with one (or more) of its users, the facts of the case are sort of dull, to be honest. This is not to say they don’t involve weighty issues, or matters of real concern, it’s just that those matters of concern aren’t particularly entertaining to someone who likes there to be at least a dash of TRULY unacceptable corporate conduct in his settlement-reading.

A telecom settles a class action lawsuit accusing the company of failing to disclose an administrative fee? Yawn. Apple settles after getting into hot water for running deceptive advertisements for “Family Sharing”? Unless that ‘family sharing’ is the kind that shows up regularly in the clip descriptions on porn tube sites, count me bored to tears.

But this recent settlement involving eBay? Now that’s some fine litigation-outcome-entertainment!

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I have my own checked history with eBay, having once bought what was supposed to be a set of valuable, collectible tableware for my then-girlfriend through the site, but which turned out to be a shattered, splintered mess of formerly valuable, collectible tableware – and getting my money back turned out to be an even bigger pain in the ass than my ex-girlfriend.

As it turns out though, I got off easy. Even though I wrote some nasty comments about eBay on a third-party site, nobody associated with the company ever sent me a bloody pig mask or cockroaches, at least so far as I’m aware.

The eBay settlement involves David and Ina Steiner of Natick, Massachusetts, who publish ECommerceBytes, “an online publication that covers internet commerce companies,” as Massachusetts news outlet WBUR described the publication.

“After they published comments critical of eBay in 2019, they said they were targeted in a series of incidents including being sent such items as a bloody pig mask, live insects, a funeral wreath and a book about surviving the loss of a spouse,” WBUR reported. “On social media, the Steiners’ home address was listed as the site of sex parties. The Steiners have said they installed security cameras around their home and lived in fear as a result of the harassment.”

“eBay engaged in absolutely horrific, criminal conduct,” according to Acting United States Attorney for Massachusetts, Joshua Levy. “We left no stone unturned in our mission to hold accountable every individual who turned the victims’ world upside-down through a never-ending nightmare of menacing and criminal acts.”

Normally, I’d call that sort of comment severe overstatement on the part of the US Attorney – but normally, the conduct being decried doesn’t involve the shipping of live insects to someone’s home! (To be clear, what shocks me isn’t the idea of receiving insects, it’s the thought of those poor bugs suffering in transit.)

Lest you think this all was strictly the actions of rogue, low-level eBay employees, it turns out the company’s Chief Communications Officer might have been involved, as well as the company’s CEO. WBUR notes that the Steiners’ attorney, Rosemary Scapicchio, “has questioned why eBay’s CEO at the time, Devin Wenig, was not charged.”

“Court documents indicate text messages between Wenig and then-chief communications officer, Steve Wymer, linking to an online article written by Ina Steiner about Wenig’s annual compensation,” the report continues. “Wymer texted: ‘We are going to crush this lady.’”

Wymer was later fired by eBay. He claims his texts “were mischaracterized and that he learned of the other employees’ conduct only after the fact” – and we all totally believe him, right? Riiiight.

For his part, Wenig left the company in 2019 and has “denied any wrongdoing.”

Personally, I’m sure glad he denied any wrongdoing, because otherwise I might be tempted to conclude that a guy who received an email from a subordinate saying “We are going to crush this lady” might have had some hand in the subsequent attempt to crush that same lady. Thankfully, he’s clearly innocent here, because why would he lie? Other than to avoid criminal and civil liability, profound embarrassment, and the prospect of becoming unemployable by any company that cares about its reputation, I mean.

Anyway, my point here is that while it sucked to buy broken dishes and then spend six freaking months getting my money back, I already have all the bloody pig masks and cockroaches I need, so I’m glad eBay didn’t send me any of those in response to my critiques of their business. I’m not sure what I would have done with them – except maybe turn around and list them for sale on eBay?

Cockroaches on plate image by Roger Brown from Pexels