By M.Christian
YNOT – While the first two weeks in February ushered in the Chinese Year of the Golden Rabbit, they may as well have been called “The Week of the Transvestite Platypus” for all the outrageous, bizarre and just-plain-weird things that have popped up.

Not to insult transvestites, you understand … or platypuses, for that matter.

Take, for instance, Asia News Network’s report that Thai airline PC Air will be offering flights featuring cabin staff with … well, “staffs”: transsexual cabin crews.

“We are the first airline to hire all the genders. This has brought us a positive perception,” airline spokesman Chuthathip Ratanasophon said — though no one has commented on what passengers are supposed to pull in case of emergency decompression.

Protection seems to be the obsession of the week, beginning with the theft of 726,000 condoms. As reported by Digital Spy, the rubbers vanished on the way from the manufacturer, Sagami Rubber Industries, to Japan.

“This has never happened to us before, and we are very perplexed,” Norinari Wakui of Sagami Rubber said about the theft. “We are not certain if it was of a premeditated nature.”

While it is not YNOT.com’s business to offer investigative advice, we suggest the Japanese authorities keep an eye out for a shifty-looking character with a suspiciously bulging wallet.

On the other side of the world, the British Royals were … okay, we are going to go there … not amused by the sale of a Royal Wedding commemorative prophylactic by the elegantly-named Crown Jewels Condoms Of Distinction. According to Orange News, the condoms come with instructions to “lie back and think of England.” In addition, they bear the lovely sentiment, “Like a Royal Wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion.”

Alas, the condoms are only a novelty or, as company spokesman Hugh Pomfret put it: “Since our prophylactics are designed as an heirloom product, we would encourage people to keep hold of them as a memento of a special national occasion.”

In more rubber news, Asylum reports that a pair of Australian men used a different sort during the recent flooding down under, soliciting a warning from the local constabulary that an inflatable sex doll is not “a recognized flotation device.” This naturally raises suspicions that the coppers who busted the doll and her owners have ever gone hot-tubing with a member of the opposite sex.

Meanwhile, the cape-and-cowl set have been busier than usual: Rumors say the new Hulk XXX is having some difficulties. According to producer Shylar Codi, star Lee Stone has no trouble getting into character, but evidently some things aren’t meant to take a licking.

“We’ve got [Stone] green,” Codi told ComicBookResources.com. “But the make-up won’t stand up to a blowjob.”

Lastly, and because a column on odd and unusual sex cannot be written without at least a casual mention of the man, Charlie Sheen’s audition for the role of a skydiving celebrity continues unabated. In this vigorous mating of mainstream Hollywood and adult entertainment, many people are expressing concern that Sheen’s downward spiral, particularly his appearances on Two and a Half Men, will seriously jeopardize his burgeoning career as an adult reality film star.

Adult entertainer Kacey Jordan voiced a particularly compelling review which no doubt will be replayed when Sheen accepts an AVN Award.

“He’s wearing an all-white shirt … covered in wine stains,” Jordan told USA Today. “All the way down him…down his shirt…his hair’s all messed up. He looks up. And he’s like…. His eyes are all, like, squinty. I was thinking that I was gonna meet the Charlie Sheen that I see on TV, not the one that’s, like, in shambles and wrecked….”

We can only hope Sheen will come to his senses, clean up his act, walk away from self-destructive behavior and Emmy-nabbing shows like Two and a Half Men, and accept his true calling. The adult industry waits to welcome him with open … body parts.

You can do it, Charlie! We believe in you!

M.Christian is a YNOT.com contributing editor and an author of literary erotica that blends the spectrum of sexual preferences and desires with horror and science fiction. Got weird sex news you want to share? Email him.